Dead birds -- portent of doom or manna from heaven?

All this talk about the unexplained flocks of dead birds and fish occurring has got me thinking. People seem to be putting a decidedly negative spin on the unexplained event.

Some claim it's a sign of the coming apocalypse. Others theorize these creatures are the canaries in the coal mine and their death is a portent of what will happen to us if we don't take care of the environment. Others are sure it's due to the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell and other sins like being a democrat. Some scientists speculate it's got to do with a magnetic shift in the poles. Yet another faction goes so far to speculate it has something to do with the BP oil spill! While all these theories are possible, they seem to imply that someone is being punished for something and we're all going to die.

My view is much more optimistic. My hypothesis is that like in the Exodus when Yaweh showered manna on Moses and his followers to help sustain them through the arduous trek through the desert, we are being showered with free food in these rough economic times.

Check out some of the links below to find recipes for anything that might fall from the sky or float ashore. You'll be shouting "hallelujah" in no time.

Wild bird and game recipes

More game recipes

Fish recipes

Blackbird pie recipe

Affordable real estate ideas for when you're ready to buy

I understand the desire to own your own home. It's the American dream. The problem is, if you have to borrow to buy it, you don't really own it, the banks own you. We've seen how that works out.

Yet some people haven't even been kicked out of their foreclosed homes and they're are already talking about improving their credit score so they can borrow to buy a new house. Which begs the question, are you insane?

If there's one thing to be learned from my own financial crisis, it's pay as you go. If you don't have the full price in hand, don't freaking buy it. If you do, you're just pouring money in the terroris...I mean, banks' pockets.

Now you're probably thinking I'm insane. Even with the declining price of homes, how the heck will you come up with the full price of a home or plot of land? It's possible, you just have to think within your means. That 4500 square foot home with a movie theater in the west wing was a little excessive anyways.

For example, you can get a nice 4x9 funeral plot for less than a thousand dollars (depending on the property and location). That's room enough for a bunk bed and you can always build on (or in) it later. Guaranteed you'll have quiet neighbors.



You might want to check and see if you've already got a plot in your family. A friend of mine discovered a family mausoleum his grandfather built and has set up residence there. All my grandparents left were urns which serve no earthly purpose except to take up space in my shopping cart.

You can also get a basic starter doghouse for only $59.00, or something as lavish as a sprawling two floor Spanish hacienda for $30,000 (rumor has it Lloyd Blankfein's dog has one of these).

Tool and storage sheds can be quite economical if you get a kit (from $150 to $500). If your tastes demand something more luxurious, consider having yours custom ordered for $1,500 and up.

If you love the outdoors and live in a warm environment, a gazebo may be right for you. You can get one with UV Guard-protected polyester taffeta side panels to keep out harmful ultraviolet rays for $274 on amazon.com. Target also has several choices, from sleek to rustic. Don't buy the first one you see. Attend a few open houses to get a feel for the market.

Happy hunting!

The 14 stages of financial meltdown

Just like every tragedy in life, there is a process that every individual/major corporation/government goes through when experiencing financial loss for the first time. Because of the trauma and emotional complexity of going broke, the recovery process is more prolonged than your run of the mill disaster like death or divorce.
Based on my personal experience and intensive study, I've outlined the stages and given examples of common corresponding emotions and reactions. Invariably, each stage must be experienced fully by all three sectors in order for all of us to move on and lead happy, fulfilling lives.

1) Denial: You cope by telling yourself/shareholders/nation that everything will be fine because this can't be happening to an award winning copywriter and cardmember since 1993/a multinational corporation/America.

2) Shock: This period is characterized by numbness and an inability to act. A typical reaction is to watch reality TV for hours on end/go on corporate retreats/take a holiday break.

3) Denial: You help stimulate the economy by buying a $1,600 Chloe bag/an $80,000 commode for your office suite/billions of dollars in toxic assets.

4) Bargaining: Once you realize you can't meet your monthly minimum payments, a desperate search for funds commences. New credit lines are opened. Begging parents/The Federal Reserve/Nancy Pelosi for help can be expected during this stage.

5) Denial: Now that relief is in sight, old habits resume. You tell yourself that there will never be a full recovery unless you purchase a periwinkle blue cashmere sweater/Gulfstream jet/more toxic assets.

6) Fear: It finally hits you that your debt is mounting and productivity is down. Dark thoughts, such as "what if I never work again and have to live in the street?"/"What if I don't get my 46 million dollar bonus?"/"what if I don't get re-elected" may torment you.

7) Denial: You're convinced that with a little creative reshuffling you won't have to give up your previous way of life. You stock up on necessities such as ramen/lobbyists/pork.

8) Isolation: You avoid human interaction. You don't answer your phone, knowing it's from a phone bank in Asia/a bank in Asia/the Asian government, calling in your debt.

9) Denial: You site examples such as "I have a job interview next week"/"the market is stabilized"/"fewer people are googling economic recession" as proof that things are on the upswing.

10) Anger: At this point you'll become enraged at the unfairness of it all. You'll lash out and try to assign blame for your loss. In this volatile and muddled state, rage is commonly deflected into secondary but highly emotional issues like Jon and Kate/executive compensation caps/the opposition party's sex life.

11) Denial: You issue facebook updates/profit reports/press releases that imply things are getting better.

At this point, while individuals move on to the final stages, Wall Street and the government repeat stages 1-11. We can only hope they catch up to complete the following stages of the recovery process soon.

12) Sorrow: A period of mourning the loss of your financial security. You're finally able to cry over the possibility of never seeing your pension plan, doctor, and complete protein again.

13) Reconciliation: You begin to accept the fact that your credit rating and job opportunities are gone forever (or seven years, whichever comes first), and that your dreams of living like a pasha may be unattainable. You might consider a more ascetic, spiritual path. Some learn new skills like doing their own pedicures, learning Chinese and if you're an individual, theft (the other two branches have already mastered that one).

14) Recovery: You're finally ready to let go of your past way of life and move on to the next phase. Some relocate to a place where there's still hope of living the American dream (best bets are Latvia and Slovenia). Some move in with their parents or into a homeless shelter. Others find free room and board in prison.