Since I'm no longer allowed in stores, I dispatched my good friend Debbie Kasher, who happens to be a leader in the field of bulimic shopping, to scope out the return policies at her favorite places to practice her craft. Here’s what she came up with:
• Saks and Barneys are now only accepting returns for 30 days, which is no problem given those, fringed gladiator wedges won’t stay in style much longer than that.
• When you make a purchase using a store’s holiday 30% off discount coupon, those items are non refundable. They only tell you that in print finer than the silk of the Gautier blouse you are now stuck with paying off
• The word credit can be very confusing. Credit does not mean credit to your credit card. It means a store credit, which is of no use to you when creditors from your credit card company are threatening to destroy your credit. You need to look for the word refund.
• Many online stores do offer free no hassle returns. These words are Mallomars to the bulimic shopper. Just make sure the post office is close by so you don’t put wear and tear on the shoes you actually do have to pay for.
• Be ruthless. Don’t give a second thought to the sales person who is about to lose her commission. Remember the disdain with which she looked at you when she noticed the hole in your sock. Socks are not returnable.