tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72704755239948660912024-02-19T04:23:00.207-08:00How to live on $0 a dayTips for the nouveau poorDr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-91952162583100885472011-07-13T07:20:00.000-07:002011-07-13T07:24:45.690-07:00My expert advice to Tim GeithnerTim, Tim, Tim. You've been throwing around a lot of scary words like "disaster" and "hardship" and you seem a little tense. Don't freak out. I know things are looking pretty dark right now, but I promise, even if you've got to default, you'll get through it. I had my very own economic disaster not too long ago that threatened not only my economic future, but that of Citibank, Chase, my landlord, the electric company, ATT my hairdresser, doctor and dentist and guess what? We're all still here. You're a babe in the woods when it comes to financial hardship, so let me guide you through this. <br /><br /><strong>Tap dancing as fast as you can</strong><br />First your creditors will start calling. They'll leave a recorded message asking you to get in touch for personal business.<br /><br />Don't call back.<br /><br />Try to drag this out for a week or so until the phone calls become so insistent, you spend most of your time cowering in the corner, shaking like a whippet . You may consider throwing yourself from a ladder when the phone rings in the hopes you'll break your spine and be able to sue your creditors for causing the accident. Don't do it, it rarely works.<br /><br />At one point, you'll realize this can't go on and you finally answer the 10th phone call of the day at 9AM. You'll probably get a recording either asking you to pay by phone or online immediately. Hang up and continue not answering your phone for another two weeks.<br /><br />Now the phone calls should be coming about every 5 minutes from 6AM to 10PM both at work and at home. The only way you'll find peace is to talk to them. Getting really drunk is the best way to prepare yourself. <br /><br />Expect to wait on hold for anywhere from a half hour to a millennium before you reach a human. When you do, tell them you mailed the check last week. Blame it on US postal service cutbacks and casually mention you'll talk to President Obama about firing the head of the USPS (a little name dropping never hurt). <br /><br />Ask them to wait until Friday and if they still haven't received it, you'll cancel it and send them a new one. That buys you another week and a half.<br /><br /><strong><br />Desperate times call for desperate measures.</strong><br />If after this grace period, there's still no resolution on the debt ceiling thing (or they've reached the wrong one as far as you're concerned), start by trying to work something out with your largest creditors. Remember, the Chinese and Japanese Secretaries of the Treasury are just a regular guys like you, trying to do a job. Don't get mad at them. It's not their fault. They've got bills to pay too. They doesn't want to cause a global economic meltdown any more than you do. Weeping often helps.<br /><br />A show of good faith can sway some creditors. Show them you're doing everything possible to pay them back. If you don't have the $110 trillion minimum payment on the due date, send what you have, even if it's only $100.00. <br /><br />Offer them some sort of barter deal... you'll do odd jobs like their laundry or gardening at an agreed upon hourly rate, which can be applied to the debt. Get serious and have the Congress and Senate help. It will give them an opportunity to do something meaningful and truly serve their constituents for a change. <br /><br />Sure you'll all have to work a little harder, do a job below your education and experience, sometimes at little to no compensation. But you've got to be willing to work a little harder in these trying times. Look at it as an internship program that allows you to learn an entirely new skill. Maybe you'll discover your true calling. <br /><br /><strong>If all else fails...</strong><br />If you're having problems getting your creditors to cooperate. Maybe it's time to engage a credit adviser/debt counselor. <br /><br />Sure, a lot of these companies are non-profits that employ advisers who haven't even graduated from a reputable university and have never worked for a Fortune 500 company. Don't worry, their advice can't possibly worse than what you're getting now. <br /><br />Of course, there are some organizations that only exist to exploit human misery (you may be lulled into feeling like you're working with a bank). That's why reading the fine print is all-important. Don't treat the agreement like your income taxes or TARP...be diligent!<br /><br />Most of all, remember It's not like it's the end of the world if you're forced to default. Take it from one who knows. As long as you have your health insurance, you have everything.Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-41404341874677221562011-01-11T12:34:00.000-08:002011-01-11T13:39:08.616-08:00Dead birds -- portent of doom or manna from heaven?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/TSzEGRcXTcI/AAAAAAAABQI/as-HneSZBbo/s1600/gathering_manna_desert_hi.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 191px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/TSzEGRcXTcI/AAAAAAAABQI/as-HneSZBbo/s400/gathering_manna_desert_hi.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561035251936349634" /></a><br />All this talk about the unexplained flocks of dead birds and fish occurring has got me thinking. People seem to be putting a decidedly negative spin on the unexplained event.<br /><br />Some claim it's a sign of the coming apocalypse. Others theorize these creatures are the canaries in the coal mine and their death is a portent of what will happen to us if we don't take care of the environment. Others are sure it's due to the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell and other sins like being a democrat. Some scientists speculate it's got to do with a magnetic shift in the poles. Yet another faction goes so far to speculate it has something to do with the BP oil spill! While all these theories are possible, they seem to imply that someone is being punished for something and we're all going to die.<br /><br />My view is much more optimistic. My hypothesis is that like in the Exodus when Yaweh showered manna on Moses and his followers to help sustain them through the arduous trek through the desert, we are being showered with free food in these rough economic times.<br /><br />Check out some of the links below to find recipes for anything that might fall from the sky or float ashore. You'll be shouting "hallelujah" in no time.<br /><br /><a href="http://honest-food.net/wild-game/pheasant-quail-partridge-chukar-recipes/">Wild bird and game recipes</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.cajuncookingrecipes.com/wildgamerecipes/wild_game_recipes_dove_recipes.htm">More game recipes</a><br /><br /><a href="http://honest-food.net/fish-and-seafood-recipes/">Fish recipes</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.cajuncookingrecipes.com/wildgamerecipes/wild_game_recipes_black_bird_recipes.htm">Blackbird pie recipe</a>Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-76522492885016694832010-12-07T14:51:00.000-08:002010-12-08T00:13:03.911-08:00A few more common-sense tips for the government<span style="font-weight:bold;">Monetize the White House garden</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/TP66-Oc0dPI/AAAAAAAABPk/uR-rnxxHa_I/s1600/wh%2Bgarden.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 260px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/TP66-Oc0dPI/AAAAAAAABPk/uR-rnxxHa_I/s400/wh%2Bgarden.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548077369160660210" /></a><br />Michelle Obama had the right idea with the White House veggie garden. What she neglected to include was a real cash crop. I suggest marijuana. It’s one of the top selling American produced products in the country and a 35 billion dollar business. Since it’s still not legal, all income is tax-free.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Turn out the goddamn lights</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/TP67PS_bHhI/AAAAAAAABPs/y07RC-sokus/s1600/national-mall-at-night.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 332px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/TP67PS_bHhI/AAAAAAAABPs/y07RC-sokus/s400/national-mall-at-night.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548077662437318162" /></a><br />I know how pretty all your buildings and monuments look when they’re lit up at night, but you’re in no position to be burning hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of electricity a month for purely cosmetic reasons. Turn off the lights when you’re not working for your constituents. That should reduce consumption to virtually nothing. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Legislative cutbacks and eliminating deadwood</span><br /> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/TP67xP6DLVI/AAAAAAAABP0/WffAJcRhm3s/s1600/large_NY_Senate_Coup_NYMG103.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 282px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/TP67xP6DLVI/AAAAAAAABP0/WffAJcRhm3s/s400/large_NY_Senate_Coup_NYMG103.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548078245725023570" /></a><br />Just as many of our successful corporations have slashed their staff in half and doubled the workload to maintain profitability, the Senate and Congress should do the same. Just by cutting back to one Senator per state you’ll be saving 20 million a year in salaries, perks and benefits. Of course, that may mean the remaining Senator will have to put in a full day’s work occasionally, so make sure you keep the healthiest one. You can make extra money by leasing out the ousted Senators’ offices.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Rent out spare rooms in the white house</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKA3fxVlOaZYeFDhV-hoW5oR4rfoeOsz3UoBGOrh2S4jxA4iZ5rJ8gGAeN-3va_zxCTh-LGTZphFqfBOLt5-ekN80QuXmXhXkLCaF2s87-LB2ho_Yyr0eltb1Z6TvW3kUCTRuQiXrghcY/s1600/lbedroomImage2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 230px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKA3fxVlOaZYeFDhV-hoW5oR4rfoeOsz3UoBGOrh2S4jxA4iZ5rJ8gGAeN-3va_zxCTh-LGTZphFqfBOLt5-ekN80QuXmXhXkLCaF2s87-LB2ho_Yyr0eltb1Z6TvW3kUCTRuQiXrghcY/s400/lbedroomImage2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548220732791115394" /></a><br />If the renewal on the Bush tax cuts go through and you can't find a buyer for the White House, consider doing what many struggling Americans do and rent out spare rooms. Who doesn't want to spend the night in the Lincoln bedroom? With the services included, you can demand five star hotel prices, even if the guests have to share a bathroom with the President.<br /><br />Granted, some of the savings realized here will seem like a drop in the bucket against such a humongous deficit. But remember, a billion here and a billion there can really add up. <br /><br />***<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Economic indicators suggest this is a great time to read <a href="http://realfrance.wordpress.com/">my blog</a> about being broke in Europe</span>Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-21910669081958473562010-12-06T12:31:00.000-08:002010-12-08T08:28:54.623-08:00Hey government, I'm talking to you!Admittedly, I've been a little myopic, focusing exclusively on the personal financial struggles of working class Americans like me.<br /><br />I figured that with the millions of dollars worth of highly paid economic advisors you employ, you'd be able to handle the national recovery without my guidance. <a href="http://www.usdebtclock.org/" target="_hplink">Boy, was I wrong.</a><br /><br />While the majority of Americans have sacrificed retirement accounts, homes, electricity and protein in the name of fiscal responsibility, you guys are running up our national credit card like you're Real Housewives.<br /><br />I won't bother retreading old ideas like eliminating tax cuts for the rich, pulling out of a war or two, or bringing health care costs in alignment with the rest of the world because those are no-brainers which will never pass the Senate and Congress. <br /><br />My suggestions are simple, non-partisan and have been successfully employed by the majority of Americans regardless of race, religion or political persuasion. Now it's your turn. <br /><br /><strong>Entertainment and events</strong><br /><center><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-07-statedinnertablesetting1.jpg"><img alt="2010-12-07-statedinnertablesetting1.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-07-statedinnertablesetting1-thumb.jpg" width="250" height="285" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-07-IMG_0327.jpg"><img alt="2010-12-07-IMG_0327.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-07-IMG_0327-thumb.jpg" width="206" height="285" /></a></center><br />I know we have an image to keep up as a superpower, but I'm sorry, but you're going to have to cut back on state dinners and other costly social events here and abroad. You just can't afford it.<br /><br />For example: while that lavish state dinner for Prime Minister Singh last year was a delightful diversion from all the trouble and strife in the world for 300 leading citizens of the US and India, it was a ridiculous indulgence in this day and age. Fortunately, modern technology has really made most of that expensive pomp unnecessary.<br /><br />Next time, invite the Prime Minister and a select 300 people from the arts, politics and sciences to join you in a delicious dinner of Trader Joe's Chicken Tikka Masala ($3.29 in the frozen food aisle) over Skype. It will save the taxpayers hundreds of thousands of dollars that could go towards cutting the deficit. Since it's a special occasion, I'm sure the taxpayers won't begrudge you some Trader Joe's mango chutney for $2.39 a jar as long as you use what's left over at the Pentagon Christmas party. <br /><br />If you feel that a face-to-face gathering is crucial to diplomacy, make the dinner pot-luck and use your iPod for entertainment. The same principle can be applied to all summits, conferences, meetings and speeches. YouTube and Skype are free. Use them.<br /><br /><strong>Impulse purchases</strong><br /><center><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-07-98421643.jpg"><img alt="2010-12-07-98421643.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-07-98421643-thumb.jpg" width="333" height="200" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-07-nuclearmissiles691.jpg"><img alt="2010-12-07-nuclearmissiles691.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-07-nuclearmissiles691-thumb.jpg" width="162" height="200" /></a></center><br />Back when I thought I had money, my weakness was cashmere sweaters, whereas yours appears to be advanced weaponry. <br /><br />Before you spend yet another 30 billion on the latest state of the art Global Hawk killer drone that's almost exactly like the last one you bought, ask yourself this: Do I really need that drone? Will I be any more effective against my enemies with it? Will anyone but me notice the difference? Will it be passé in two weeks? Once the novelty wears off, will it just sit in a hangar gathering dust or lie abandoned in some Pakistan field? <br /><br />I know you think it's the end of the world if you don't get that drone. You probably believe that without it, you'll become less attractive to your allies, be forced to postpone your withdrawal date and you'll end up a lonely, insecure, ineffectual, bitter, forgotten old woma...I mean, country. But you probably thought the same thing about the last killer drone you just had to have.<br /><br />If after two months, the drone is still gnawing at you and you still believe the free republic can't survive without it, chances are you'll be able to find it on eBay for half price.<br /><br /><strong>Generating revenue</strong><br /><center><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-08-smithsonian.jpg"><img alt="2010-12-08-smithsonian.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-08-smithsonian-thumb.jpg" width="216" height="300" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-08-lincolnmonument1.jpg"><img alt="2010-12-08-lincolnmonument1.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-08-lincolnmonument1-thumb.jpg" width="195" height="300" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-07-sc000ff3aa.jpg"><img alt="2010-12-07-sc000ff3aa.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-07-sc000ff3aa-thumb.jpg" width="82" height="300" /></a></center><br />You may be out of cash and low on credit (until you raise the limit again), but look around you. You have a lot of items you've accumulated over the years that you can sell. <br /><br />Do you really need that gas guzzling Air Force One? Can you live without that 500 million dollar fleet of jets you bought last year to transport the legislative branch comfortably to far flung fiscal responsibility conferences and climate summits? <br /><br />If you don't plan to move into them, sell them. I can think of any number of Wall Street executives who'd pay top dollar for a real Air Force One or congressional jet. Unlike the rest of us, they can afford to pay the gasoline, operation and maintenance costs. <br /><br />Consider all the memorials, art and historical artifacts just taking up space (and requiring maintenance) in DC and the Smithsonian. See what you can get for them at Sotheby's or hold a sale. I imagine there are several Saudi princes who'd love to have a little monument from the US to put in their garden or the original constitution for their library. <br /><br />I know some of these items will be difficult to part with and have sentimental value, but look at it this way: if you don't sell it, China will own it soon anyways. <br /><br />If you're a hoarder and can't bring yourself to sell your memorabilia, there is another option: sell ad space on the monuments. The demographics are great with 15 million visitor viewings annually, plus repeated exposure by DC denizens and in the media. It's a great way to get the funds you need to maintain your property until the economy improves.<br /><br /><strong>Credit and debt</strong><br /><center><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-07-timcellphone.jpg"><img alt="2010-12-07-timcellphone.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-12-07-timcellphone-thumb.jpg" width="378" height="300" /></a></center><br />If you have any leverage left whatsoever, now's the time to use it. <br /><br />Call China and try to work something out. Like my negotiations with Citibank, it may take weeks to get someone who speaks English on the phone (keep your cell phone charger handy). But if you hang in there with good old-fashioned American determination, there's a 20% chance that sooner or later you'll get someone who can help. If you and China fail to work out a more equitable arrangement, try consolidating your debt with Japan or the Saudis for a lower rate.<br /><br />At the very least, you're going to have to rethink those loans you've been making to banks and big business. As is, you're paying China more interest on the money you're borrowing to loan to the banks than they're paying you in interest. Now, I don't have the economic chops of Tim Geithner, or even a college degree, but that just seems like really stupid financial policy. Unless you work for the banks, of course. <br /><br />I suggest you raise the interest rate to a reasonable 29.9% plus substantial fees and penalties for not stimulating the economy. At that rate, taxpayers will be celebrating and getting huge bonuses in no time.<br /><br /><em> <br /><a href="http://povertyguide.blogspot.com/2010/12/few-more-common-sense-tips-for.html" target="_hplink">See more </a>of my common-sense financial tips for the government.</em><br /><br /><center>***</center><br /><center><em><br />Economic indicators suggest this is a good time to read <a href="http://realfrance.wordpress.com/" target="_hplink">my blog</a> about being broke in Europe.</em></center>Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-32485291507023723472010-08-31T11:49:00.000-07:002010-09-01T08:33:30.700-07:00Can you afford a job in this economy?As the "Summer of Recovery" draws to a close and labor day soon approaches, it's time to discuss what to do when after months and months of chronic unemployment (often referred to as "laziness"), someone actually responds to one of the 2,000 applications you've submitted over the past few months. <br /><br />You may jump at the opportunity, thinking that a job will help you dig out of the hole you're in and restore a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. Maybe you'll even be able to buy yourself something nice, like a steak dinner and some ant traps. <br /><br />Not so fast, Kimosabbe. Remember, economic realities have changed since you were last employed. In order to preserve the incomes of CEOs, shareholders and top executives, salaries have been slashed, workloads have increased and the cost of goods and services has skyrocketed. We know that taking a job will stimulate the economy. What you need to determine before embarking on the interview process is whether or not the job in question will stimulate yours.<br /><br /><strong>The phone interview</strong><br />Since the phone interview is usually conducted by an intern or low level recruiter who has no idea what the job entails, this is no time to worry about proving you're qualified. This is your opportunity to determine whether continuing the interview process is worth your while, financially speaking. <br /><br />Ask the important questions. Does the job pay? Where are they located? Do they have free parking? If they don't have free parking, do they validate? Do they offer health benefits? What products worth stealing do they stock in the company kitchen Is it locked (you may be able to recoup the cost of the interview in food and office supplies). Do they give free tampons in the restrooms? And of course, what's the salary and what perks are included?<br /><br />If the job listing is for a "senior" position, make sure to clarify whether they mean they're looking for someone with extensive experience or some who is a senior in college. I can tell you from experience that one clarification can save you hours in drive time and a small fortune in gasoline, tolls and parking tickets.<br /><br />Always ask how many interviews it's likely to take to get the job. Many large successful companies require 15 interviews and samples of bodily fluids before hiring someone. If you don't live within walking distance, the process can cost you an entire month's worth of unemployment checks. If they can't provide any guarantees that you'll be hired, you may be better off staying home and watching "General Hospital." It won't cost you anything and at least you get medical experience for your resume.<br /><br /><strong>The cost of an office interview</strong><br />You'll have to present yourself in the best possible light which means you'll have to do something with your hair, enhance your wardrobe, or at the very least launder your tee shirt and sweatpants. Flip flops won't cut it, not even your dressy ones from Old Navy. You might also need to purchase a few personal hygiene products and have the water turned back on so you can bathe. <br /><br />The good news is, you won't have to repair your teeth as chiclets make excellent temporary crowns (just don't accept beverages during your interview, which can be tempting because they're usually free). <br /><br />Then of course, there's transportation which can cost you anywhere from $1.00 to $60.23 (gas, toll and parking, not including tickets for traffic violations). If you're up for a production job, the cost goes up significantly unless the airlines are running fare sales to China and Southeast Asia.<br /><br /><strong>Estimating the salary to expense ratio</strong> <br />You may think that any salary is better than no salary, but that's not always the case. Remember, once you're employed, your expenses go up. The question you have to ask yourself is whether given the expenses incurred by working will be greater or less than the income you'll be taking home. In other words, will the job help dig you out of the hole, or put you farther in it? <br /><br />Case in point: after doing the math, a friend discovered that the only way he could afford to take a recent job offer was if he kept his unemployment benefits. Sadly, he made the discovery after investing approximately $52.00 and four hours on his first (and last) interview. <br /><br />Here's a list of some of the expenses you're likely to incur as an employed person: <br /><br /><ul><li><strong>Transportation/gas/tolls parking</strong>: Multiply the cost of transportation to the job interview by 300.</li><br /><br /><li><strong>Wardrobe: </strong> You'll need new clothes. Not just any clothes. Clothes that are nicer than everyone elses' (but made in America). Otherwise, how will you get ahead? <br />Don't forget you'll also need new underwear and some nice kneepads.</li><br /><br /><li><strong>Electricity, gas and water</strong>: Now that you're working, being able to bathe and use your electronic devices is critical (although not at the same time).</li><br /><br /><li><strong>Communications:</strong> It will be important that your boss can reach you at any time of day or night from every one of his/her offshore vacation villas. You're going to have to restore your service, buy a new iphone G4 (yours is a first generation, which is soooooo 2008). Buy a plan with a large data storage. Don't forget to add the price of a two year contract.<br /><br />Once you're back on the grid, the calls from old debtors will soon return. You may need to hire a lawyer.</li><br /><br /><li><strong>Childcare/dogwalking/gardening/housecleaning</strong>: Now that you're working you're going to have to pay someone to take care of these tasks. You won't have time. You may even have to pay tuition for private school since the public school down the street is closing due to lack of funds.</li><br /><br /><li><strong>Beauty and Grooming:</strong><br />Unless you're under 35, this can get costly. In order to succeed in the current business climate, you'll have to look young. It will be all the more difficult since you're working 18 hours a day and not sleeping well. Also remember than now that you're short on time, you'll need to pay professionals to do things like dye your hair, give you facials inject botox , perform plastic surgery and fill meeting rooms with smoke and bad lighting. This can take thousands of dollars off your gross monthly income. Even if you're under 35, you still may need botox to mask the look of disgust and contempt you feel in company meetings (consider it a business deduction since it's crucial to keeping your job).<br /><br />If you've been using chiclets for teeth in the interview process, you'll have to do something more permanent. Check your dentist for potential costs. Make sure you're sitting down.</li><br /><br /><li><strong>Fast food:</strong> Now that you're working, you need to keep your energy up, but who has time to cook? Fast food can add up. And while most of those meals are pretty crappy, the good news is since you'll probably be eating while in front of a computer trying to meet some ridiculous deadline, you'll probably be too stressed and distracted to taste them. Your consumption of 3.00 vente half skim lattes and energy drinks will also increase substantially, especially if you don't have a prescription for Adderall.</li><br /><br /><li><strong>Healthcare:</strong> Even if it's included in the benefits, it's going to cost you. Whereas when you weren't working, you were relatively healthy, you'll find yourself a lot more sickly when employed. Stress, exhaustion, poor eating habits will force you to spend your entire deductible on tests trying to figure out what's wrong with you (stress, exhaustion, poor eating habits). Expect your anti-depressant dosage to go up.</li> <br /><br /><ul><li><strong>Taxes</strong> Unless you're making 300,000+, at least 30% of your income will go to taxes and insurance. That means whatever the given salary is, 30% of it will be stimulating the economy. At least you'll be getting a lot of bang for your buck. You'll be paying for wars, the salaries of your elected representatives and mindless bureaucrats, the company formerly known as Blackwater, Afghan and Iraqi warlords, Halliburton, interest on our debt to China, bridges to nowhere and the next election cycle. <br /><br />For jobs that pay over300,000 a year, only subtract .1% (the price of a good accountant). Try to get one of those jobs.<br /><br />Once you're back in the system, the government will also demand back taxes from the $12,000 you earned over the past three years. Prepare to shell out for an accountant and lawyer. You'd be wise to factor in the possibility of future salary garnishments as well.</li></ul><br /><br /><li><strong>Bank fees </strong> Now that your bank account is active again, they'll be charging you all sorts of fees. Since you no longer have time to go over your statements with a fine tooth comb and spend time getting bounced around from phone bank to phone bank to rectify the errors, you can expect to lose a substantial amount here.</li></ul><br /><br /><ul><li><strong>Incidentals</strong> There are always surprise extra expenses that come with every endeavor. For example, a friend who has been working for the past two months has already incurred repair costs for accidentally driving her car through the garage door at 4AM on her way to work. Another had to invest in a new iPhone after stabbing his to death when an important business call was dropped for the 18th time. Be prepared with a cushion for these unexpected events</li></ul><br /><br />If after crunching the numbers, you decide that economic circumstances make it impossible to pursue the job at this juncture, don't feel bad. Sure, some people will call you lazy, or irresponsible or selfish for not doing your part to help the economy recover because it's not in your best financial interest. Others will call you a savvy businessperson.<br /><br />***<br /><br /><em>Economic indicators suggest that this might be a good time to <a href="http://realfrance.wordpress.com/" target="_hplink">read my blog</a> about being broke in France. </em>Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-76485995100946832592010-05-27T19:46:00.000-07:002010-06-05T12:53:15.857-07:00Unemployed? Unskilled? Unqualified? Your New Career Awaits!<a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-kimkardashianshowingstuff.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-25-kimkardashianshowingstuff.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-kimkardashianshowingstuff-thumb.jpg" width="98" height="148" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-350.0.1.0.16777215.0.stories.large.2010.04.10.97442032Kate_Gosselin.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-25-350.0.1.0.16777215.0.stories.large.2010.04.10.97442032Kate_Gosselin.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-350.0.1.0.16777215.0.stories.large.2010.04.10.97442032Kate_Gosselin-thumb.jpg" width="77" height="148" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-15-tilatequila.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-15-tilatequila.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-15-tilatequila-thumb.jpg" width="116" height="148" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-spencer_pratt.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-25-spencer_pratt.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-spencer_pratt-thumb.jpg" width="94" height="148" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-15-KimZolciak.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-15-KimZolciak.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-15-KimZolciak-thumb.jpg" width="100" height="148" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-091203_salahis_couple_392_regular.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-25-091203_salahis_couple_392_regular.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-091203_salahis_couple_392_regular-thumb.jpg" width="96" height="148" /></a> <br /><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-katkissingsnookie.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-25-katkissingsnookie.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-katkissingsnookie-thumb.jpg" width="65" height="148" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-realhousewivesofnewyorkseason3312.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-25-realhousewivesofnewyorkseason3312.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-realhousewivesofnewyorkseason3312-thumb.jpg" width="129" height="148" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-JakePavelkavs.KateGosselin.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-25-JakePavelkavs.KateGosselin.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-JakePavelkavs.KateGosselin-thumb.jpg" width="84" height="148" /></a> <br /><br />You've tried to ignore all the dire job reports, but it's not working. Small businesses keep closing. Large businesses keep outsourcing and replacing people with technology. How will those lost jobs ever come back? <br /><br />You're starting to think you may have no other choice but to go back to school, work hard and learn some new skills that will be viable in the new economy. That sort of attitude will get you nowhere except the poorhouse. Education and skills are best left to blue collar workers and immigrants.<br /><br />Fortunately, there's a boom happening here right under your nose (if that's where your TV remote is). If you get on board now, you could be set for life, or at the very least, 15 minutes. Yes, I'm talking about reality TV.<br /><br />Reality TV is among the few things left besides financial derivatives and high fructose corn syrup that's still being produced and consumed voraciously in the US. To the modern American, reality TV is what the WPA was to the struggling masses in the 30s (without the socialist government intervention).<br /><br />There are 800 reality shows out there and more going into production every day. One of them is right for you.<br /><br /><strong>Getting that first gig</strong><br /><center> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-24-sKENDRAWILKINSONSEXTAPEVIDEOPICTURElarge300.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-24-sKENDRAWILKINSONSEXTAPEVIDEOPICTURElarge300.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-24-sKENDRAWILKINSONSEXTAPEVIDEOPICTURElarge300-thumb.jpg" width="151" height="200" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-BalloonBoyandhisfather.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-25-BalloonBoyandhisfather.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-BalloonBoyandhisfather-thumb.jpg" width="141" height="200" /></a></center><br /><br />Study the <a href="http://www.realitywanted.com/calls" target="_hplink">casting calls</a> to determine which jobs will meet your immediate needs (ie: cash, free craft services, lodging, a vacation, attention, a nanny, a mini facelift...) I made the mistake of getting addicted to inhalants in order to get a spot on <em>Intervention</em> only to discover they don't pay their addicts (for ethical reasons). Boy, was I bummed! On the bright side, the rehab facility they sent me to is fabulous!!! But I digress.<br /><br />Once you've narrowed it down ask yourself what you really want to be doing for the next 13 weeks. Do you want to work for Diddy? Lose 500 lbs? Find your soul mate? Get a shot at love? Be Paris Hilton's BFF? Become a REAL Housewife (as opposed to the pretend one you've been all these years) and get some new clothes, a facelift, boobs and a tummy tuck? Breed prolifically? The job of your dreams is out there.<br /><br />You'll need to make a short video about yourself (and your family if they're a part of the deal). Include a headshot (if you don't have one, your most recent mug shot will do). They may ask you to tweet them your resume.<br /><br />If you're a woman and don't have massive boobs, don't worry, you can still get cast on a reality show. Heidi Montag started out with nothing, but used The Hills as a platform to acquire all the massive boobs she wanted. As a rule, the only mandatory requirement to get on a reality show is stripper pole experience.<br /><br />Don't bother applying to MTV if you're over 18 (your IQ, I mean).<br /><br /><strong>Onward and upward</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-famousspiedi.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-25-famousspiedi.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-famousspiedi-thumb.jpg" width="148" height="200" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-360014.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-25-360014.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-360014-thumb.jpg" width="92" height="200" /></a> <br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-Singer_LuAnn.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-25-Singer_LuAnn.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-Singer_LuAnn-thumb.jpg" width="133" height="200" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-100125143407resized_kk.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-25-100125143407resized_kk.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-25-100125143407resized_kk-thumb.jpg" width="165" height="200" /></a> <br /><br />When you first start a reality show, the hours and competition can be grueling. You may be asked to perform distasteful tasks like eating bugs or sleeping in a bunk bed. Hang in there! Unlike other jobs, it will invariably lead to bigger and better things. <br /><br />Consider your role an entry level position to some of the best opportunities in America -- from singer/songwriter, to author, to businessperson, to designer, to product endorser to pundit to correspondent to talk show host to basketball player's wife. Heck, Wall Street is even recruiting top execs from <em>Vegas Virgins</em> and <em>Face the Ace</em> (gambling reality shows). <br /><br />Establish your area of expertise, even if you don't have one. Call yourself "countess" or "doctor," "a businessperson" or "a good mother." If you say something enough times on TV, it will be true. <br /><br />At the very least, you'll get a book deal. And if a whole book seems like too many words, follow the example of Kim Kardashian who was reportedly paid $10,000 for a single tweet. That's $72 a character, or $357 per five letter word. Without a reality show, she'd be lucky to get $75 for 500 words on "how to shoot a home movie" for Demand Media like everyone else.<br /><br />Study the trajectory of Kate Gosselin. She has managed her career admirably, starting as a wife and prolific breeder, to <em>Jon and Kate Plus 8</em>, to author (and expert on raising children, to betrayed wife, to <em>Dancing with the Stars</em>, to a correspondent job on the E network. Now she can afford a nanny so she'll never have to spend time with her rugrats again. The woman is a genius!<br /><br /><strong>Become a part of America's cultural lexicon</strong><br />Entertainment has always provided escape to stressed Americans in times of financial duress. During the last depression, Hollywood transported us with masterpieces and larger than life talent. The entertainment industry is doing it again now, without talent of any size. And just think, one of the principles could be you!<br /><br />Take a look at how some of those timeless performances are being reinterpreted today:<br /><br /><center><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-judygarland.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-20-judygarland.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-judygarland-thumb.jpg" width="174" height="200" /></a><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-heidimontagmissuniversevideo.png"><img alt="2010-05-20-heidimontagmissuniversevideo.png" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-heidimontagmissuniversevideo-thumb.png" width="171" height="200" /></a> <em><center>Unforgettable singing performances</center></em></center><br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-19-Caron_Kelly82.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-19-Caron_Kelly82.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-19-Caron_Kelly82-thumb.jpg" width="148" height="200" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-19-jesussolorio0120090707.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-19-jesussolorio0120090707.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-19-jesussolorio0120090707-thumb.jpg" width="141" height="200" /></a><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-23-singininrain.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-23-singininrain.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-23-singininrain-thumb.jpg" width="144" height="200" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-23-wilkinson_pole_lesson.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-23-wilkinson_pole_lesson.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-23-wilkinson_pole_lesson-thumb.jpg" width="78" height="200" /></a></center><center><em>Amazing dance routines</em></center><br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-gonewiththewind.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-20-gonewiththewind.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-gonewiththewind-thumb.jpg" width="135" height="200" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-tumblr_kymy3qwdPZ1qa7mlbo1_400.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-20-tumblr_kymy3qwdPZ1qa7mlbo1_400.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-tumblr_kymy3qwdPZ1qa7mlbo1_400-thumb.jpg" width="139" height="200" /></a></center> <center><em>Epic love stories</em></center><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-wizardofoz.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-20-wizardofoz.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-wizardofoz-thumb.jpg" width="212" height="200" /></a><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-realwiveswizard.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-20-realwiveswizard.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-realwiveswizard-thumb.jpg" width="200" height="199" /></a><em><center>New friends journey together in search of their hearts' desire.</center></em><br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-thegrapesofwrath.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-20-thegrapesofwrath.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-thegrapesofwrath-thumb.jpg" width="227" height="200" /></a><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-sKRISTINASHANNONKARISSAPLAYBOYlarge300.jpg"><img alt="2010-05-20-sKRISTINASHANNONKARISSAPLAYBOYlarge300.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-05-20-sKRISTINASHANNONKARISSAPLAYBOYlarge300-thumb.jpg" width="273" height="200" /></a></center> <center><em>A patriarchal figure struggles to provide a decent life for his girls.</em></center><br /><br />Now, get to work!<br /><br /><br />***<br /><br />Read about <a href="http://realfrance.wordpress.com/2010/04/13/the-real-housewives-of-elysee-palace/" target="_hplink">real housewives in France.</a>Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-42791165949640769862010-04-24T19:23:00.000-07:002010-04-25T08:19:00.862-07:00The banker who shagged us<a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-25-LloydBlankfein.jpg"><img alt="2010-04-25-LloydBlankfein.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-25-LloydBlankfein-thumb.jpg" width="199" height="142" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-25-austinpowersmikemyersasdrevil41244322781.jpg"><img alt="2010-04-25-austinpowersmikemyersasdrevil41244322781.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-25-austinpowersmikemyersasdrevil41244322781-thumb.jpg" width="176" height="142" /></a><br />If this isn't separated at birth, I don't know what is. <br /><br /><blockquote>Dr. Evil: Okay then, we hold the world ransom for... <br /> One... Hundred... BILLION DOLLARS! <br /></blockquote><br /><br /><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/25/opinion/25rich.html?hp">"Fight on, Goldman Sachs!", Frank Rich, NYT 4/25/10</a>Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-84432443791600036202010-04-15T11:00:00.000-07:002010-04-15T11:24:52.573-07:00Tax day freebies or murder?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/S8dZfRg8uQI/AAAAAAAABNc/uId0zdSngxs/s1600/binge-de.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/S8dZfRg8uQI/AAAAAAAABNc/uId0zdSngxs/s400/binge-de.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5460431467022432514" /></a><br />Several fast food companies are offering <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/15/tax-day-freebies-2010-fre_n_539081.html">free food on Tax day</a>. I'm sure some smart marketer told them that it would instill goodwill among their target audience. <br /><br />For me, it's instilled nausea. I hope Kaiser Permanante is running a tax day promotion.Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-30923204946874600692010-04-06T18:41:00.000-07:002010-04-16T11:34:50.557-07:00Champale on a tapwater budgetI don't care how little disposable income you have, sometimes you've got to pamper yourself. Whether it's a little "me time", buying yourself a luxury item, taking a mini-vacation or getting a lap dance in an S&M club, studies show that these occasional indulgences are rejuvenating and can even help with self-esteem. <br /><br />You don't have to be a Wall Street executive, major sports figure, or a GOP strategist to partake in these blissful moments of pure, luxurious self-indulgence. You'll just have to adjust your definition of luxury a wee bit. <br /><br /><strong>SPA TREATMENTS</strong><br /><br /><strong>Massage therapy </strong> <br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-07-kittymassage.jpg"><img alt="2010-04-07-kittymassage.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-07-kittymassage-thumb.jpg" width="234" height="180" /></a> <br />I learned this trick while taking care of a 21 pound cat named Ralph who gave me the best massage I ever had. If you don't have a cat, borrow one, the bigger the better. Wear something you don't want ruined (a vintage Armani jacket, or cashmere sweater for example), or just drape it over the affected muscle. It's only a matter of time before the cat will start kneading it. If you don't have any good clothing left, a piece of carpet or sofa fabric will also work. If the cat hasn't been declawed, you also get free acupuncture!<br /><br />Here's another idea taken from the animal world: I've seen cats, dogs, horses and cows do it. Find a solid, well-anchored object that protrudes (ie: a fence post, doorknob, parking meter, mailbox or erect penis) . Lean the muscle or nerve that needs attention onto the object and adjust the pressure as you see fit. <br /><br /><strong>Hot tubbing</strong><br /> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-07-debroinhottub.jpg"><img alt="2010-04-07-debroinhottub.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-07-debroinhottub-thumb.jpg" width="241" height="180" /></a><br />There's nothing like a soak in churning hot water to melt away the stress of watching CNN all day. If you're really resourceful, you can create your own jacuzzi out of a dumpster and some garden hoses.<br /><br />For those who lack engineering skills , I've found that a tub, hot water and a hand beater (or a wisk in a pinch) does the trick. It's also a great work out for the upper arms and pecs. One word of warning: although you may be tempted, do not attempt this with an electric mixer.<br /><br /><strong>MINI VACATIONS</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-07-meatpiazzanavone.jpg"><img alt="2010-04-07-meatpiazzanavone.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-07-meatpiazzanavone-thumb.jpg" width="157" height="160" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-07-meinbali.jpg"><img alt="2010-04-07-meinbali.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-07-meinbali-thumb.jpg" width="181" height="160" /></a> <br /><em>My vacation photos (4/6/10): Me next to a Bernini statue in Rome; me on the beach in Bali; me at Macchu Pichu</em><br /><br />To me, there's nothing more restorative than a trip to a new, foreign destination. <br /> <br />Now that I can't even afford the fare to little Italy, Chinatown or Berkeley, I take <a href="http://maps.google.com/maps">Google vacations</a>. <br /><br />Just type in the destination of your choice and within seconds, you're there. Zoom in and it's just like being there without the jet lag, shots, expense, cultural immersion and worries about getting stuck next to Kevin Smith on the flight home.<br /> <br />Yesterday I visited, Macchu Pichu (without the altitude sickness), Bali, and Rome (how I love clicking down those ancient cobbled streets!). I topped it off with a visit to my favorite coffee shop in Amsterdam and still made it home in time for "American Idol." <br /><br /><strong>GETTING YOURSELF A LITTLE SOMETHING</strong><br /><br />I don't have to tell you that buying yourself some small luxury item can be a salve to the battered soul of the working warrior. For some people it's shoes, for others it's electronic gadgets, for me it was lipstick. But non-working warriors need balm too.<br /><br />I was fortunate in that I was able to see my crisis coming and scale back slowly, sparing me the pain of going cold turkey and the shock and indignity of downsizing too fast. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">My financial meltdown in lipstick</span><br /><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-26-ln_pro.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-26-ln_pro.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-26-ln_pro-thumb.jpg" width="57" height="150" /></a><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-04-P256601_hero.jpg"><img alt="2010-04-04-P256601_hero.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-04-P256601_hero-thumb.jpg" width="46" height="150" /></a><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-26-NMC0P9Z_mt.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-26-NMC0P9Z_mt.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-26-NMC0P9Z_mt-thumb.jpg" width="62" height="150" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-27-NMC767A_mt.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-27-NMC767A_mt.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-27-NMC767A_mt-thumb.jpg" width="73" height="150" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-26-macrussianred_300.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-26-macrussianred_300.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-26-macrussianred_300-thumb.jpg" width="39" height="150" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-27-RevlonSuperLustlgjpg.jpeg"><img alt="2010-03-27-RevlonSuperLustlgjpg.jpeg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-27-RevlonSuperLustlgjpg-thumb.jpeg" width="32" height="150" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-27-MCXMC1008redlipstick5de.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-27-MCXMC1008redlipstick5de.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-27-MCXMC1008redlipstick5de-thumb.jpg" width="35" height="150" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-26-ChapStick.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-26-ChapStick.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-26-ChapStick-thumb.jpg" width="48" height="150" /></a><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-26-tootsiepop.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-26-tootsiepop.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-26-tootsiepop-thumb.jpg" width="45" height="150" /></a><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-04-DETA100136.jpg"><img alt="2010-04-04-DETA100136.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-04-DETA100136-thumb.jpg" width="41" height="150" /></a><br /> <em> From left to right: cle de peau $60; Guerlain Rouge G $45; Chanel $30; NARS $22; mac $14; Revlon $8; Wetnwild $1; cherry Chapstick $.69; a flattering shade of lollipop $.20; wild berries free</em> <br /><br />By studying the timeline above, you'll see how you can make the transition from Chanel Raspberry Crush to crushed wild raspberries painlessly. <a href="http://www.nonprofitpages.com/nica/Sharingwood/Berries/Berries.htm">Find the shade of berry that's right for you.</a><br /><br />The same principle can be applied to any type of product. Gadget freaks might start with an iPad and work their way down to another groundbreaking invention (in its time), the paperclip. Similarly, a shoe lover can go from Prada Gladiator Sandals, to Michael Kors to Steve Madden to Aerosoles to Keds to Old Navy flip flops to the drawstring from a Hefty Cinch Sak wrapped around the ankles and legs. <br /><br /><strong>ALTERING YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-07-blurry_20030715.jpg"><img alt="2010-04-07-blurry_20030715.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-04-07-blurry_20030715-thumb.jpg" width="239" height="160" /></a> <br />For some people, all it takes is a nice cocktail, joint or little pill to take the edge off and feel like all is right with the world. But even these mental vacations have gotten pricey.<br /><br />If you're lucky enough to have terrible vision like I do, I've found that removing my glasses or contacts has the same effect as two cocktails or one joint without the calories or munchies. This is also a great time to look in the mirror. <br /><br /> If you have perfect vision, borrow or steal glasses from someone with terrible vision. Do not attempt to drive or read the instructions on heavy machinery while under the influence.<br /><br />Some people have reported that hyperventilating and getting up too quickly also works.<br /><br />***<br /><br /><em>Economic indicators suggest that this might be a good time to <a href="http://realfrance.wordpress.com/" target="_hplink">read my blog</a> about being broke in France. </em>Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-89726193030786553082010-04-05T08:57:00.000-07:002010-04-05T13:39:33.183-07:00The Jobs report<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/S7pKenTDHEI/AAAAAAAABNU/1uPATZJFNek/s1600/ipad--126461822039433300.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 293px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/S7pKenTDHEI/AAAAAAAABNU/1uPATZJFNek/s400/ipad--126461822039433300.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456755788318186562" /></a><br /><br />Sure, the recent employment figures don't look good. But the evidence in front of apple stores this weekend tells a different story. Unless there's a Cash for Kindles program that I'm unaware of, the economy is finally getting back on it's feet. <br /><br />How else can one explain the fact that the lines for the iPad debut were longer than those at the unemployment office? You'd think they were passing out government cheese (with an apple logo on it, of course). <br /><br />700,000 iPads sold in two days. Which means last weekend the American consumer spent almost $500,000,000<span style="font-weight:bold;">*</span> for a product they don't need. <br /><br />We're back!!!!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">*</span> calculated on a 2008 Macbook Pro calculator application, so that figure may be obsolete)<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/S7oIvnp5MdI/AAAAAAAABNE/8ya-r7AFBEk/s1600/175159-iphone_line_1-2_400.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/S7oIvnp5MdI/AAAAAAAABNE/8ya-r7AFBEk/s400/175159-iphone_line_1-2_400.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456683512704348626" /></a>Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-42705222506266586122010-03-30T15:05:00.000-07:002010-03-30T15:28:06.475-07:00Affordable real estate ideas for when you're ready to buy<a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-18-doghouse.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-18-doghouse.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-18-doghouse-thumb.jpg" width="164" height="150" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-18-images.jpeg"><img alt="2010-03-18-images.jpeg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-18-images-thumb.jpeg" width="155" height="150" /></a> I understand the desire to own your own home. It's the American dream. The problem is, if you have to borrow to buy it, you don't really own it, the banks own you. We've seen how that works out. <br /><br />Yet some people haven't even been kicked out of their foreclosed homes and they're are already talking about improving their credit score so they can borrow to buy a new house. Which begs the question, are you insane? <br /> <br />If there's one thing to be learned from my own financial crisis, it's pay as you go. If you don't have the full price in hand, don't freaking buy it. If you do, you're just pouring money in the terroris...I mean, banks' pockets.<br /><br />Now you're probably thinking <span style="font-style:italic;">I'm</span> insane. Even with the declining price of homes, how the heck will you come up with the full price of a home or plot of land? It's possible, you just have to think within your means. That 4500 square foot home with a movie theater in the west wing was a little excessive anyways. <br /><br />For example, you can get a nice 4x9 funeral plot for less than a thousand dollars (depending on the property and location). That's room enough for a bunk bed and you can always build on (or in) it later. Guaranteed you'll have quiet neighbors.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/S7J6yy2aMvI/AAAAAAAABME/VPsnfj4Qp5M/s1600/aaaatomb+with+satellite.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 298px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/S7J6yy2aMvI/AAAAAAAABME/VPsnfj4Qp5M/s320/aaaatomb+with+satellite.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5454557111761122034" /></a><br /><br />You might want to check and see if you've already got a plot in your family. A friend of mine discovered a family mausoleum his grandfather built and has set up residence there. All my grandparents left were urns which serve no earthly purpose except to take up space in my shopping cart. <br /><br />You can also get a basic starter doghouse for only $59.00, or something as lavish as a sprawling two floor Spanish hacienda for $30,000 (rumor has it Lloyd Blankfein's dog has one of these).<br /><br />Tool and storage sheds can be quite economical if you get a kit (from $150 to $500). If your tastes demand something more luxurious, consider having yours custom ordered for $1,500 and up. <br /><br />If you love the outdoors and live in a warm environment, a gazebo may be right for you. You can get one with UV Guard-protected polyester taffeta side panels to keep out harmful ultraviolet rays for $274 on amazon.com. Target also has several choices, from sleek to rustic. Don't buy the first one you see. Attend a few open houses to get a feel for the market. <br /><br />Happy hunting!Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-1884608610053909452010-03-24T21:10:00.000-07:002010-04-07T09:55:48.696-07:00Assessing your real estate optionsIf you're anything like me, right now you're trying desperately to ignore the vague fear that you can no longer afford to continue your current housing situation. You probably keep hoping you'll get a new job, inherit a fortune, the government will intervene or that Armaggedon will strike before your next bill is due and you won't have to deal with it.<br /><br /><center><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-11-BoxDrumming012.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-11-BoxDrumming012.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-11-BoxDrumming012-thumb.jpg" width="400" height="255" /></a> </center><br /><br />Here are a few clues that it may be time to confront the situation head on: You consider housing and utilities an either/or situation. Your home payments are eating into your insurance premiums. Your home has been padlocked and there's an armed guard at the door.<br /><br />Now that you realize the gravity of the situation, you may be asking yourself "how will I find a new place to live when I have no income, cash or credit rating? Seriously, where the f*$k will I go?" Don't panic. Let's calmly and rationally go over your options. <br /><br /><strong>Move in with family</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-12-dallascast.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-12-dallascast.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-12-dallascast-thumb.jpg" width="127" height="160" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-12-menendezfamily.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-12-menendezfamily.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-12-menendezfamily-thumb.jpg" width="210" height="160" /></a> <br /><br />If you have a parent, child, cousin, or a third niece removed who has a home or dorm room, moving in with them makes good economic sense. <br /><br />For some families, it's an ideal way to bond and reconnect. I left my parents' home and moved 3,000 miles away when I was an angry teenager. Moving in with them so many years later allowed us to reconnect and let them get to know me as an angry adult. It's also given me an opportunity to understand why I'm angry.<br /><br />Of course, living in such close proximity to family can reawaken old dysfunctions and unresolved issues. It may not be right for you if:<br /><ul><li>This is all their fault!</li></ul><br /><ul><li>You have sibling rivalry with the family dog.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>The first time you heard the story of Oedipus, you thought 'woah, did Sophocles know my family?'</li></ul><br /><ul><li>At the last family Thanksgiving dinner you broke out in stigmata.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>The sound of their breathing really bugs you.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>You're off your medication.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>They're off their medication.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>You have to give the Menendez brothers credit for standing up to their parents.</li></ul><br /><br /><strong>It's a squatters' market!</strong><br /><center> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-11-sFORELCOSURElarge.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-11-sFORELCOSURElarge.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-11-sFORELCOSURElarge-thumb.jpg" width="150" height="109" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-11-emptyhousesliverpool.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-11-emptyhousesliverpool.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-11-emptyhousesliverpool-thumb.jpg" width="145" height="109" /></a> </center> <br />There are already 19 million vacant properties in America. The number is rising, as "for sale", "for rent" and foreclosure signs dot the landscape with more frequency than Starbucks. It's the perfect storm for squatters! <br /><br />If you're a soon to be ex-homeowner, you can always squat in your own house after the bank kicks you out. But now is a great time to trade up. <br /><br />Have you been longing to live in a nicer neighborhood? Dreamed of owning a pool and tennis court? Maybe you just want a more modern kitchen or a playroom for the kids. Your dream house is out there, you just have to keep your eyes open and be ready to stake your claim before someone else beats you to it..<br /><br />There are also schools, hospitals, factories, stores and restaurants that are move-in ready. It's almost like a government incentive program for people who want to start their own business! <br /><br />Here are some great resources for potential squatters:<br /><a href="http://squat.net/archiv/squatbook1/index.html" target="_hplink">A website devoted to squatting</a>.<br /><a href="http://weburbanist.com/2008/10/19/ghost-town-abandoned-city-examples-images/#more" target="_hplink">Top abandoned towns</a><br /><a href="http://www.land-fsbo.com/" target="_hplink">Brokers' guide to vacant property.</a><br /><br /><strong>Become a troglodyte</strong><br /> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-17-forestieregardenscavelg.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-17-forestieregardenscavelg.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-17-forestieregardenscavelg-thumb.jpg" width="157" height="123" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-17-Snowyrivercaveshelf.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-17-Snowyrivercaveshelf.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-17-Snowyrivercaveshelf-thumb.jpg" width="153" height="123" /></a><br />Maybe neanderthals had the right idea. Most caves are larger and better equipped than my NYC apartment was, without the nasty landlord, loud neighbors and rent.<br /><br />There are caves available to suit almost every lifestyle. If you can't let go of your grandmother's armoire, your 48" flatscreen or treadmill, find a spacious cave with lots of storage space. If you're trying to cut back on stuff, grab a quaint, cozy cave with built in fireplace. <br /><br />They're usually sound-proof and very private, making them the choice of several rich ex-Saudis who can afford to live in palaces. Some come with fabulous built-ins, like shelves and tables (how cute would those Liberty of London mugs they're selling at Target for only $5 look on them?). Some have indoor pools. Art lovers can even find caves with their own built in art collections. <br /><center><img alt="2010-03-12-lascauxcaveart.gif" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-12-lascauxcaveart-thumb.gif" width="192" height="120" /> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-12-drainmetal3.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-12-drainmetal3.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-12-drainmetal3-thumb.jpg" width="103" height="117" /></a> </center><br />The only real downside to living in a cave is since they're often in remote locations, internet access and phone reception can be limited. Of course, this can be a plus if you've got creditors, the IRS or FBI after you.<br /><br /><a href="http://cavern.com/" target="_hplink">Guide to caves in the US and cave locator by zip code</a>.<br /><br /><strong>Container dwelling</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-18-portabach.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-18-portabach.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-18-portabach-thumb.jpg" width="115" height="140" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-18-2475291560103691965S500x500Q85.jpg"><img alt="2010-03-18-2475291560103691965S500x500Q85.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-18-2475291560103691965S500x500Q85-thumb.jpg" width="186" height="140" /></a> <br />There was a time when it was considered pathetic to live in a refrigerator box or container. Now it's environmentally correct and a chic choice for anyone who lives in a city. I'm a fan of refrigerator boxes (especially sub-zero), but I'm single and somewhat nomadic.<br /><br />For those who prefer a more stable home, shipping containers, dumpsters old railway cargo cars make a fine abode. I believe they may be the next housing bubble, so act now!<br /><br />Remember, as demand rises, it'll become harder and harder to trade up. This is no time to settle. And when you find your dream container, grab it without hesitation. There are several people already interested in it and who knows when you'll find another one you like half as much.<br /><br />If you have 100 bucks or so a month to spare, you might want to consider renting storage space in a public facility. 10x10 is enough space for a bed and mini-fridge. Not recommended for anyone who suffers from claustrophobia, it's a great option if you're broke, but really need to live in a gated community<br /><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-18-MentorMiniStorage_0008.JPG.jpeg"><img alt="2010-03-18-MentorMiniStorage_0008.JPG.jpeg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-18-MentorMiniStorage_0008.JPG-thumb.jpeg" width="186" height="140" /></a><br /><br /><br />***<br /><br /><em>Economic indicators suggest that this might be a good time to <a href="http://realfrance.wordpress.com/" target="_hplink">read my blog</a> about being broke in France. </em>Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-70590642571583398892010-03-07T11:00:00.000-08:002010-03-07T11:02:55.744-08:00Get in touch with your inner savvy businessman<center><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-02-21-BankingCEOTestifyBeforeHouseUseTARPCmVEDDLx6Xl.jpg"><img alt="2010-02-21-BankingCEOTestifyBeforeHouseUseTARPCmVEDDLx6Xl.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-02-21-BankingCEOTestifyBeforeHouseUseTARPCmVEDDLx6Xl-thumb.jpg" width="450" height="244" /></a></center><br />You've worked hard all your life to achieve the American dream. But it's starting to seem as though the only people living the dream are those who President Obama refers to as "savvy businessmen."<br /><br /><br />Some argue that an Ivy League education is critical to achieving business savvy. Others insist it's pedigree (one of your ancestors must be the spawn of Satan). My personal theory is that we're all born with business savvy but it's usually socialized out of us. <br /><br />No matter. It's clear that we all need to start incorporating the principles of savvy businessmen into our own lives if we're going to get ahead. Here are a few tips to get you started.<br /><br /><strong>Redefining your work ethic</strong><br /><center> <a href= "http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-02-18-fatcat.jpg"><img alt="2010-02-18-fatcat.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-02-18-fatcat-thumb.jpg" width="266" height="200"/></a> </center><br />Many people make the mistake of assuming hard work and providing quality goods or services is all it takes to succeed. Wrong. It's how much you can rake in for you and your shareholders while providing as little value as possible to the consumer. We've seen how this principle works for banks and large corporations, but how does this apply to average Americans? <br /><br /><br />Say you happen to get lucky and score a housecleaning job. Don't make the mistake of spending an inordinate amount of time cleaning. When you're not blogging, tweeting and issuing Facebook updates about how hard you're working cleaning the house, most of your time should be spent lowering the wattage on all the light bulbs, smearing Vaseline on the homeowners' glasses and shoving things under rugs to give the appearance of cleanliness.<br /><br />As your skills improve, you can start removing expensive articles and cash from the home to sell them. If you're really savvy, you'll even charge a removal fee.<br /><br />Apply this kind of thinking to your every endeavor.<br /><br /><strong>Eliminate deadwood</strong><br /><center> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-02-21-kids016.jpg"><img alt="2010-02-21-kids016.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-02-21-kids016-thumb.jpg" width="158" height="200" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-02-21-dogbeggingmaster.preview.jpg"><img alt="2010-02-21-dogbeggingmaster.preview.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-02-21-dogbeggingmaster.preview-thumb.jpg" width="150" height="200" /></a> </center>If there's someone in your life sapping you of resources that could be better put towards redecorating your den or a nice vacation, dump them immediately. Don't let sentiment, loyalty, humanity, commitment, personal responsibility get in the way.<br /><br />Note to men: unless your wife has a paying job or a trust fund, you'll want to get rid of her too. As you become more savvy, you'll probably want a brand new trophy wife. Consider bringing in someone from Asia or Russia--they'll do the same job for much cheaper and are much more appreciative of your meager benefits.<br /><br /><strong>Become too big to fail</strong><br /> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-02-22-sPAULSONlarge.jpg"><img alt="2010-02-22-sPAULSONlarge.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-02-22-sPAULSONlarge-thumb.jpg" width="230" height="168" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-02-22-halderman_02.jpg"><img alt="2010-02-22-halderman_02.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-02-22-halderman_02-thumb.jpg" width="204" height="168" /></a><br />We've all seen the benefits of being too big to fail. But if you're not a major corporation who holds the economy in your hands, where can you go when you need a large quantity of cash to avoid devastation of apocalyptic proportions? <br /> <br />Fortunately, with a little planning and cultivation, similar types of bailouts are available to everyone. Just make sure to keep all receipts, correspondence, texts, videotapes, blood tests and semen stains. When you go to your benefactor on bended knee, make sure it's clear that if you go down, they're going down with you.<br /><br /><strong> The importance of branding</strong><br />We've seen how savvy businessmen have renamed old financial products and turned them into lucrative earning tools. Banks cleverly rebranded "usury" by renaming it "29% plus fees and penalties" and opened the door for billions in earnings. "Unloading worthless crap on the taxpayers" became "Public-Private Investment Program". And lets not forget Goldman Sachs' brilliant rebranding of "massive Ponzi scheme" to "doing God's work." <br /><br />Similarly, insurance companies made a bundle rebranding "protection money" with the new name, "premiums." Some advertising agencies have followed their lead by rebranding "slave labor" as "crowdsourcing." <br /><br />Think about how you can rebrand financial instruments in your own life. "Shoplifting" can become "long term non-collateralized loan". "Running a sweat shop" is "teaching children life skills" and "fraud" becomes "storytelling." Suddenly, the world is your oyster.Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-16995387252218731462010-01-25T14:31:00.000-08:002010-01-26T13:28:40.844-08:00Finding job opportunities in a trickle down economyAre you one of the many Americans despairing that the trillions in taxpayer dollars spent stabilizing the economy still hasn't translated into job creation? Be patient, grasshopper, jobs will come. <br /><br />Granted, a lot of the jobs as we knew them won't be coming back. But once you take a realistic look at the current economic, demographic and political trends you'll see there's a promising new crop of opportunities emerging that will put Main Street America back to work again. <br /><br /><strong>Personal service, maintenance and security</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-grapes.jpg"><img alt="2010-01-24-grapes.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-grapes-thumb.jpg" width="201" height="200" /> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-44995008_1Chandeliercleaning8003508741DadeBrowardPalmBeachMIAMI.jpg"><img alt="2010-01-24-44995008_1Chandeliercleaning8003508741DadeBrowardPalmBeachMIAMI.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-44995008_1Chandeliercleaning8003508741DadeBrowardPalmBeachMIAMI-thumb.jpg" width="182" height="200" /></a> </a> <br />Clearly the TARP money went towards executive bonuses rather than loans and job creation. But that doesn't mean those bonuses won't prove equally productive on the employment front. <br /><br />As long as rich people keep acquiring homes and material possessions that need maintenance, care and protection, there will be jobs available for gardeners, maids, chefs, nannies, chauffeurs, valets, European car mechanics, concubines, silver polishers, organ harvesters, groomsmen, personal shoppers, bodyguards, security guards, food tasters, dog walkers, gatekeepers, astrologists, psychics, grape peelers, servers and attendants, to name a few. <br /><br />Obviously, these are coveted positions for college graduates with Liberal Arts degrees. They'll face tough competition from illegal aliens who are favored by the wealthy because they work below minimum wage. <br /><br />Security positions should grow exponentially as those with money will become increasingly fearful of losing their lives and possessions to angry hordes. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Luxury travel and hospitality</span><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-Copenhagen300x225.jpg"><img alt="2010-01-24-Copenhagen300x225.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-Copenhagen300x225-thumb.jpg" width="204" height="200" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-RoyalMalewaneMassage.jpg"><img alt="2010-01-24-RoyalMalewaneMassage.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-RoyalMalewaneMassage-thumb.jpg" width="150" height="200" /></a> <br />It may seem counter-intuitive that luxury travel and hospitality sectors would grow during a recession. But when you consider that the monied class will be traveling to exotic offshore locations more than ever to spend quality time with their money, it starts to make sense. <br /><br />Add to that the increase in congressional delegations, summits, symposiums, corporate retreats, boondoggles and junkets and you'll begin to grasp the opportunities in this growing sector. <br /><br />Think of the limos, Lear jets, five-star accommodations and gourmet dining necessary for the multitude of climate conferences, job summits and poverty symposiums our political and business leaders will convene to form committees to plan future conferences and symposiums where they will discuss solutions to these pressing geopolitical problems.<br /><br />Conversely, practically all jobs serving economy travelers will eventually disappear. Even pilots will be eliminated on economy class flights in favor of a cheaper version of the technology used in unmanned drones. Delta plans to charge a $1,000 surcharge to economy passengers who opt for a human pilot. Steer clear of this sector.<br /><br /><strong>Politics</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-20-scottbrown.jpg"><img alt="2010-01-20-scottbrown.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-20-scottbrown-thumb.jpg" width="139" height="214" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/S19d5ykN7SI/AAAAAAAABKI/QvmRZS7srkQ/s1600-h/barack_bathing_suit_pm-thumb-350x481.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 80px; height: 200px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/S19d5ykN7SI/AAAAAAAABKI/QvmRZS7srkQ/s200/barack_bathing_suit_pm-thumb-350x481.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431162923039714594" /></a><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-26-medium_karlrove.JPG.jpeg"><img alt="2010-01-26-medium_karlrove.JPG.jpeg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-26-medium_karlrove.JPG-thumb.jpeg" width="121" height="214" /></a><br />With all the money being poured into political campaigns and lobbying these days, anyone with an ounce of charisma would be a fool not to get in on the action. The recent Supreme Court ruling on campaign finance provides further incentive to enter this lucrative field now. <br /><br />If you're attractive, consider running for office. There will be hundreds of openings for non-incumbents in the upcoming 2012 elections. Heaven knows your country needs you. <br /><br />No skills or experience is necessary. The only requirement is you should be willing to stand for prolonged periods in public places, shake people's hands, kiss babies and beg, plead and cajole for change (it's not all that different than begging pleading and cajoling for spare change, but the income potential is much higher).<br /><br />These days, voters demand full transparency, so you should also look good in a swim or birthday suit. Ability to drive a truck is a plus, but not mandatory. <br /><br />Once the corporate donations start pouring in and you can afford a decent haircut and designer wardrobe, you're golden. If you lose, whatever funds you have remaining from the campaign can be rolled into your next campaign (which can be anything from becoming a talk show host to eating regularly). That's what I call win/win.<br /><br />If you're not good-looking, you can always become a political strategist.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Shovel ready jobs</span><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-shovelready.jpeg"><img alt="2010-01-24-shovelready.jpeg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-shovelready-thumb.jpeg" width="206" height="200" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-romer.jpg"><img alt="2010-01-24-romer.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-romer-thumb.jpg" width="161" height="200" /></a> <br />Before the stimulus money can reach people who are ready to repair and build necessary infrastructure, some of the money will have to go to research firms and experts and holding high level meetings to determine where the money should go (see Government jobs). <br /><br />Some will go to pay the salary of bureaucrats hired to facilitate and oversee the stimulus program (see Government jobs).<br /><br />A large portion will go to agencies and experts to promote how well the stimulus is working These are great jobs if you can snag one. It helps to know someone and have a large twitter and facebook following. Be prepared to do some heavy shoveling (figuratively speaking).<br /><br />Then some of the money will have to go to China for raw materials. <br /><br />If there's anything left after that, laborers will finally be hired to begin the actual building of infrastructure. If you're actually interested in a job that requires physical labor, you might want to find something else to tide you over until then.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The business of war</span><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-22-uncle_sam_wants_you.jpg"><img alt="2010-01-22-uncle_sam_wants_you.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-22-uncle_sam_wants_you-thumb.jpg" width="150" height="168" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-25-blackwater1.jpg"><img alt="2010-01-25-blackwater1.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-25-blackwater1-thumb.jpg" width="149" height="168" /></a><br />As one of our only remaining exports, and our most highly funded industry (even more than banks, believe it or not), war is just a smart career choice. <br /><br />The military is recruiting. They pay you while you learn the job. They're an equal opportunity employer. They'll take you regardless of race, religion, education or prison record (just don't tell them you're gay). <br /><br />Granted, entry level salaries aren't great, but if you survive, opportunities for advancement and high paying jobs as independent contractors and arms dealers are possible. Blackwater executives say there's no better training for their 100K a year special op jobs (with the possible exception of the Al Qaeda training camp in Yemen or 10 years with the Cosa Nostra).<br /><br /><strong>Government jobs</strong><br /> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-26-pig.jpg"><img alt="2010-01-26-pig.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-26-pig-thumb.jpg" width="173" height="200" /></a><br />Even while there are cutbacks in virtually every other sector, the government is growing as they create new departments and hire more people to oversee, compensate and investigate the failures of existing ones.<br /><br />The government pays top dollar with benefits. They paid 18 million to build the Recovery.org website (the going rate for a similar website in the private sector is usually under $100,000 -- I would have done it for a piece of chicken.) Who wouldn't want to get in on that gravy train?<br /><br />Unlike other businesses (aside from banks and insurance companies) if the government runs short on funds, they can just print up some money to pay you. You can also pick up extra money hiring yourself as an independent contractor, or in kickbacks. If you're inept enough, opportunities for advancement abound. <br /><br />The only catch is, the application process can be time-consuming and frustrating (the TSA lost my application six times and the decision has been delayed indefinitely). But that negative becomes a positive once you've landed the job. Imagine the luxury of having unlimited funds, unlimited time and incredibly low standards. Here's a tip: the Department of Homeland Security is looking for people with experience connecting dots. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">When in Rome... </span><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-98.jpg"><img alt="2010-01-24-98.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-98-thumb.jpg" width="172" height="148" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-76.jpg"><img alt="2010-01-24-76.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-01-24-76-thumb.jpg" width="132" height="148" /></a><br />Any student of history can take one look at the current economy, factor in consumption trends and deduce that the time is right to bring back the vomitorium. <br /><br />What Lobbyist, Senate committee member or Wall Street executive wouldn't love to cap off a rough day fleecing the masses, over-consumption, and revelry with some stylish purging? <br /><br />The beauty of this business is it requires little capital outlay (no bank loans necessary). You can just squat in a recently shuttered retail establishments, add a large trough or two and you're good to go. <br /><br />Once you start making a profit you can add amenities like rare Cuban cigars rolled by trained albino monkeys, and Swarovski studded buckets and troughs. Best locations are Washington DC, Wall Street, Miami and parts of Southern California. This could be the next Starbucks among the one-percenters. Get in on the ground floor if you can.<br /><br />...<em><br /><br />Economic indicators suggest that this might be a good time to <a href="http://realfrance.wordpress.com/2009/10/12/fear-of-dying/" target="_hplink">read my blog</a> about being broke in France. </em>Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-27514607736568073582009-12-22T22:15:00.000-08:002009-12-22T22:51:32.402-08:00Top holiday gift ideas for 2009Unless you've already received that big bonus for your role steering the stock market out of freefall this past year, you're probably a little desperate about the holidays right about now.<br /><br />Nobody wants you to go into deeper debt or give up eating to buy presents (except your credit card company, retailers, stockholders, leading economic advisers and your teenage daughter, if you have one). But nobody is offering any real, socially acceptable options (except Hallmark who is offering almost personalized holiday cards for $3.00 each). <br /><br />I've compiled a list of affordable gifts that are as thoughtful and meaningful as the presents you might have given if you had money. All within a realistic budget of 7 cents a person or less. If you play your cards right, you could have enough money left over for a three course ramen holiday feast (chicken, beef, and vegetable flavored)!<br /><br /><strong>This season's "must-have" item</strong><br /> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-itater.jpeg"><img alt="2009-12-15-itater.jpeg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-itater-thumb.jpeg" width="157" height="180" /></a><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-friedpotatorecipes.jpg"><img alt="2009-12-15-friedpotatorecipes.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-friedpotatorecipes-thumb.jpg" width="69" height="100" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-potatohead.jpg"><img alt="2009-12-15-potatohead.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-potatohead-thumb.jpg" width="114" height="100" /></a><br /><br />Perfect for multitasking, the potato serves as a vegetable, a complex carb, a useful arts and crafts tool, entertainment, breakfast, lunch, dinner, a source of potassium and other vital vitamins and minerals. Chic-ly packaged in a discreet brown wrapper, the potato is one of the few gifts left you can buy with spare change or food stamps that will give your recipient any pleasure. Designer models in red, blue, and gold are also available. <br /><a href="http://www.idahopotato.com/">Find out more</a> about the potato's many applications, including recipes and tips.<br /><br /><strong>Something cute and cuddly for the kids</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-11-20091208zhu_zhu_hamster_mr_squiggles.jpg"><img alt="2009-12-11-20091208zhu_zhu_hamster_mr_squiggles.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-11-20091208zhu_zhu_hamster_mr_squiggles-thumb.jpg" width="149" height="136" /></a><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-11-dustbunny3.JPEG"><img alt="2009-12-11-dustbunny3.JPEG" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-11-dustbunny3-thumb.JPEG" width="175" height="136" /></a><br /><br />In an age when a child's wish list contains several $200 items, I suppose a $9.95 toxic fake rodent constitutes a bargain. But it's still too rich for my blood. Especially now that they're going for $30.00 on eBay and Amazon. <br /><br />That's why I'm giving all the kids in my life the latest evolution of Zhu Zhu hamsters -- Dust bunnies. They're furry. They're cuddly. They're wind powered, biodegradable, non-toxic (or only as toxic as the place under the couch you got it) and they're made locally. <br /><br />Each one is different and has its own personality. I like to decorate mine with bits of used dental floss. When the child tires of it in a few days, it can easily be stored in any sized vacuum bag or under furniture.<br /><br />If you have unresolved issues with the child's parents, a pet rat is a gratifying alternative. Like the dust bunny, you can probably pick one up without leaving home, although chances are you will have to get off the couch.<br /><br /><strong>When only the best will do</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-georgevbulgari.jpg"><img alt="2009-12-15-georgevbulgari.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-georgevbulgari-thumb.jpg" width="225" height="149" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-sb10061022y001.jpg"><img alt="2009-12-15-sb10061022y001.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-sb10061022y001-thumb.jpg" width="157" height="149" /></a> <br />Who doesn't love free luxury hotel toiletries? For me, nothing brings back the warm memories of having a job, an expense account and clean, nicely scented hair and skin like a whiff of L'Occitane Lemon Verbena (offered at the Four Seasons). <br /><br />You may still have some of your favorites stashed away from the good old days (if you haven't sold them on eBay). If not, there are other ways to nab these luxe items for gifts. First, locate the brand of choice with <a href="http://povertyguide.blogspot.com/2009/12/guide-to-hotel-toiletries.html" target="_hplink">my handy leading hotel toiletry guide.</a> <br /><br />Some say that lurking in hotel hallways and grabbing as many as possible when the maid isn't looking is the most time efficient method. <br /><br />I believe that honesty is the best policy (at least during the holiday season). I usually tell the front desk that I'm in room 206 and I accidentally spilled all their complimentary toiletries down the sink and would like a new set (or four ... I'm very clumsy). Telling them that you need the toiletries for an article you're researching has also been known to work.<br /><br /><strong>High Tea Technology</strong><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SzG5Ei96RDI/AAAAAAAABJg/g-Jp1ffe_w8/s1600-h/images-2.jpeg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 104px; height: 115px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SzG5Ei96RDI/AAAAAAAABJg/g-Jp1ffe_w8/s200/images-2.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5418315314460509234" /></a> <br /><br />Many retailers have been plugging a $100 portable espresso maker as the perfect gift for those who panic if they're more than 10 yards from the nearest Starbucks. Oddly, they don't seem as intent on selling a similar device for tea drinkers. <br /><br />The portable tea maker contains everything necessary for a great cup of tea on the go (water and cup not included). This handy, lightweight gadget has adjustable brewing time for different tea strengths. With a little smart shopping you can get 100 of these babies for $2.00. Shopping done!<br /><br /><strong>For every cloud, a Snuggie lining</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-snuggie.jpg"><img alt="2009-12-15-snuggie.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-snuggie-thumb.jpg" width="200" height="217" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-snuggierain.JPEG"><img alt="2009-12-15-snuggierain.JPEG" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-snuggierain-thumb.JPEG" width="170" height="217" /></a><br /><br />Let your friends be the first to own the Snuggie weatherizer! It's the perfect gift gift for anyone who shelled out $19.95 (plus shipping and handling) for a Snuggie. They may not appreciate it now, but they'll be eternally grateful when they're wearing their Snuggies in inclement conditions. <br /><br />All you need to make one is a large trash bag, dry cleaning bag, tarp, a sheet of bubble wrap, old plastic tablecloth or any waterproofed material you can find around the house or dumpster. Cut holes in the appropriate spots, add a few staples and voila! A shower cap makes a great accessory (try to grab a few when picking up hotel toiletries.)<br /><strong><br />Warm feet, warm heart</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-3097606721_5c576b615e.jpg"><img alt="2009-12-15-3097606721_5c576b615e.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-3097606721_5c576b615e-thumb.jpg" width="400" height="240" /></a><br /><br />If you happen to have some spare sanitary napkins or poise pads around, or know where you can borrow some, you've got the makings for some cushy slippers with non-slip grip strips and a built in deodorant feature for fresh feet.<br /><br />I like to use the maxi-pads for heavy flow for the soles (or Poise or Depends if you can get your hands on them -- they're like walking on air) and a thinner mini pad for the strap. <br /><br />If you can't find anything to decorate them with, I can personally recommend using Channel waterproof long-lasting smoky eye crayons. The colbalt blue and indigo go with everything. A great gift for doting grandparents who love everything you make.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.weeville.com/kotexslippers.htm" target="_hplink">Learn how to make them.</a> <br /><br /><strong>An eco-friendly gesture</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-fruitxke.JPEG"><img alt="2009-12-15-fruitxke.JPEG" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-fruitxke-thumb.JPEG" width="186" height="200" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-22ecofruitcake.jpg"><img alt="2009-12-15-22ecofruitcake.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-22ecofruitcake-thumb.jpg" width="177" height="200" /></a><br /><br />The care and love that goes into making a fruitcake is always appreciated even though fruitcake itself is largely considered inedible.<br /> <br />This year, instead of getting costly ingredients from a grocery store and spending hours chopping, mixing and baking, let the composter take care of everything. Press the mulch into a loaf shape, decorate it with fruits nuts and berries from the yard, park or road dividers and nobody will know the difference. No new waste is created and the product is endlessly recyclable. The recipient will appreciate the love and care you put into your gift long after they've returned it to its natural habitat -- the compost heap. <br /><br /><strong>If all else fails, use your credit card</strong><br /> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-img_0126.jpg"><img alt="2009-12-15-img_0126.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-img_0126-thumb.jpg" width="124" height="145" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-img_0035.jpg"><img alt="2009-12-15-img_0035.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-12-15-img_0035-thumb.jpg" width="200" height="145" /></a> <br /><br />Instead of using a credit card to buy presents this season, use it to create them. <br /><br />Make cufflinks, earrings, bracelets, pendants in gold, platinum and other precious plastics. The beauty of giving these (aside from the joy of giving) is it won't cost you a cent out-of- pocket and rewards include thousands of dollars in savings on future interest and penalty fees. Now that's a gift that gives back! <a href="http://scavenging.wordpress.com/2009/05/14/how-to-make-a-credit-card-bracelet/" target="_hplink">Learn how to make them.</a><br /><br /><br /><em>Have you ever wondered what it's like being broke in France? <a href="http://realfrance.wordpress.com/" target="_hplink"><br />Learn more. </a></em>Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-20661872020160074972009-12-10T10:29:00.001-08:002009-12-10T18:47:06.490-08:00Guide to hotel toiletries<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SyGyKZyJ1TI/AAAAAAAABIA/WZvDUBIIsRE/s1600-h/toieltries.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 399px; height: 299px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SyGyKZyJ1TI/AAAAAAAABIA/WZvDUBIIsRE/s400/toieltries.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413804118865728818" /></a><br />Here's a helpful guide to some of the leading hotels and the brands of luxury products they have on offer in their maid's carts.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Starwood Hotels</span> <br />Sheraton: Shine by Bliss <br />Four Points by Sheraton: Caswell-Massey <br />W Hotels: Bliss · <br />Westin: Heavenly (made especially for Westin )<br />Aloft: Bliss · Luxury Collection, <br />St. Regis and Le Meridien: Signature bath products<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Marriot Hotels ·</span> <br />JW Marriott, Nervae <br />Marriott- Bath and Body Works <br />Renaissance- Lather <br />Courtyard: Davies Gate <br />Fairfield Inn: Pantene <br />Residence Inn: Davies Gate <br />SpringHill Suites: Pro Terra <br />TownePlace Suites: Pro Terra<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Intercontinental Hotels (IHG)</span> <br />Hotel Indigo: Aveda <br />Holiday Inn: Garden Botanika products <br />Holiday Inn Express: Simply SmartTM <br />Crowne Plaza: Reneu Botanicals collection <br />Staybridge Suites: SIMPLY be wellTM herbal bath collection<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Hilton Hotels</span> Crabtree & Evelyn LaSource<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Hyatt Hotels</span> Varies, but some properties use eShave<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Wyndahm Hotels</span>S Bath and Body Works <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Four Seasons Hotels</span> L'Occitane products in Lemon Verbena <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Ritz Carlton Hotels</span> Bulgari<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">LOCAL FAVORITES</span><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">New York</span> The Franklin Hotel, Bulgari; The Shoreham Hotel, Aveda; The Mansfield Hotel, Aveda; The Bowery Hotel, CO Bigelow ; Gramercy Park Hotel, Mixture, hand-picked by Allure editor; Carlyle Hotel, Kiehls; The Carlton, Penhaligon; Flathotel, Essential Elements; Soho and Tribeca Grand, Kiehls; Alex Hotel, Frederick Fekkai<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Atlantic City</span> Lather Water Club, L'Occitane ; The Chelsea AC, Kiehls<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Boston</span> Liberty Hotel, Molton Brown; XV Beacon, Fresh products; White Barn Inn (Maine), Molton Brown; Fairmont Copely Plaza, Penthaligons Quercus<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Miami</span> The Tides South Beach, Molton Brown ; The Setai, Aqua di Parma ; Angler's Resort, Aveda; The Raleigh, Kiehl's; Sagamore, Fresh; The Biltmore, Gilchrist and Soames; Acqualina, ETRO; Trump International Beach Resort, Ecru <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Los Angeles</span> Hotel Oceana, Kiehl's; London West Hollywood, Clear; Palihouse West Hollywood, C.O. Bigelow ; Sunset Marquis, Aveda; Sofitel, Rodger & Gallet; Roosevelt, Fresh; Hotel Bel-air, Kiehls; Shutters, Molton Brown Signature<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Las Vegas</span> Bulgari at Mansion; Bulgari Signature at MGM Grand; Gilchrist and Soames tangerine and olive flower at Caesar's Palace.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sonoma/Napa</span> The Sonoma Mission Inn, proprietary Apricot Cream products, Kenwood Inn, Arconna; MacArthur Park, proprietary blends of grape and wine based products and green tea infused skincare products; Carnero's Inn, Red Flower Blood Orange<br /> <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Other US Cities</span> Topnotch in Stowe, June Jacobs; Little Nell in Aspen, June Jacobs; Stoneleigh in Dallas, Baronessa Cali; Hotel Zaza in Houston, Molton Brown; James in Chicago, Kiehls; Bacara in Santa Barbara, Fresh; Chanier in Newport Beach, Pentahligons Quercus<br /> The St. Regis in San Francisco - Laboratorie Remede toiletries.Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com119tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-33068850510702069242009-11-24T13:46:00.000-08:002009-11-24T13:51:13.595-08:00Saving a cherished American holiday<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SwxU2s1RBMI/AAAAAAAABG4/jWEw3TwzlLg/s1600/Thx-1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 299px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SwxU2s1RBMI/AAAAAAAABG4/jWEw3TwzlLg/s320/Thx-1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5407790551289365698" /></a>In 1621, the Pilgrims and Indians gathered for an autumn feast that became known as America's first Thanksgiving. Over the centuries, the legacy of gathering and giving thanks for a bountiful harvest has has evolved into a frenzy of gluttony and consumerism. <br /><br />Sadly, this year, the only ones who will be able to properly observe this important and uniquely American tradition will be Wall Street executives, their families, friends, lobbyists and the politicians in their pockets (I hope they remember to order a kosher Turducken for Joe Lieberman). <br /><br />If the rest of us don't make a few adjustments, Thanksgiving is in danger of becoming yet another American pastime that only the very rich can enjoy. But what can those of us without cash, valid credit cards or food do?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Hit the road</span><br />A short walk on the highway should provide everything you need for a delicious, all natural, Thanksgiving dinner much like the Pilgrims enjoyed, without having to spend a cent or harm a living creature. The roads are littered with freshly killed, free range venison, raccoons, rabbits, squirrels, turkeys, pheasants and other game. They're free and yours for the taking. Save the pelts. They'll come in handy later this winter when the gas company cuts off your heat. Click <a href="http://www.globe-guardian.com/archives/twisted/tl0004.htm">here </a>for roadkill recipes and preparation tips. <br /><br />Side dishes are also plentiful along the roadside with offerings such as wild greens, aged carved pumpkins, berries and nuts. Do all you pureeing, mashing and tenderizing on the road and you'll have fewer dishes to wash afterward. Make sure to research <a href="http://foragingpictures.com/">edible plants</a> before serving. <br /><br />A sample menu idea: <br /> *Brined, roasted deercoonsquirrel (deer stuffed with a raccoon stuffed with a squirrel)<br /> *Sauteed nettle and wild mushrooms <br /> *pumpkin and wild sorrel soup<br /> *a festive melange of candy corn, orange pixie stiks and M&Ms leftover from Halloween. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Getting that big turkey dinner feeling without turkey or dinner</span><br />If you decide to forgo the Thanksgiving meal entirely, you can still recreate the sense of grogginess, fullness and mild nausea that comes from stuffing yourself with too much turkey and trimmings. With much less prep time. <br /><br />First, shoplift a bottle of L-tryptophan (much easier to get out of the store than a 15 pound butterball). Take a few when you would normally be eating your Thanksgiving feast. Follow the pills with a cup of raw oatmeal (any raw grain that expands with fluid will also do). Wash down with several glasses of warm water. You'll have that sick beached whale feeling in no time. Pigeons have been known to explode using this method, so take it easy on the oatmeal. <br /><br />For a post Thanksgiving sensation that't truly authentic, wear clothing that is several sizes too small around the waist. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Follow the Pilgrims' example</span><br />Ask your neighbors over for a potluck Thanksgiving feast, just like the Pilgrims invited the native Americans. Once you've enjoyed their delicious offerings, kill them and steal their possessions and property. This is especially satisfying if you have a Citibank in your neighborhood. <br /> <br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Family moments</span><br />You can still spend this special day in the presence of loved ones far away without the frustration and expense of travel. Skype lets you enjoy real face time with your family until someone inevitably storms out yelling: <span style="font-style:italic;">"" I try and I try to please you and you couldn't even be bothered to notice because you're too busy gurgling and cooing and buying presents for (insert sibling's name here). Well you can all go screw youselves!. I hate you and never want to see you again! Not that anyone gives a damn!"</span>. Now, <em>that's</em> Thanksgiving!<br /><br /><strong>Charity</strong><br />If you're anything like me, every Thanksgiving you swear that you'll help out at a soup kitchen next year. Let this be the year you actually do it. Pitch in and clean a plate. Two, if you're really hungry.Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-81262320603685362392009-11-08T22:04:00.000-08:002009-11-11T23:16:33.341-08:00Assuaging Rage, One Prick at a TimeIf you've lived your life believing that hard work, ethics, observing the golden rule and fiscal responsibility will be rewarded, you're probably a little ticked off right now. Okay, you're probably roiling with rage (especially if you stopped taking your anti-depressants because your insurance company canceled you for being depressed).<br /><br />A lot of that anger comes from a sense of betrayal and helplessness at seeing people who broke every law of decency living high on the hog while the rest of us are hard pressed to afford a swine flu shot (if we could find one).<br /><br />The logical recourse is to seek justice. You've appealed to their non-existent sense of decency. You've written your elected officials, attorney general, chamber of commerce and better business bureau. Clearly, you can't afford a lawyer. Crank calls and internet heckling bring no relief. And while sending offenders cat poop in the mail is satisfying, the postage is costly--there are no bulk media rates for mass poop mailings (which REALLY pisses you off). And try as you might, you seem to get your friends interested in storming Wall Street or the Capitol because pitchforks are too expensive.<br /><br />If you're quivering with rage just thinking about it, it's time to take action. I've discovered a way to calm my ire and achieve a semblance of inner peace without costly aids like therapists, tranquilizers, a masseuse or weapons.<br /><br />Whether your anger is directed at a TARP recipient harassing you for an overdue $69, a vile CEO, pundit or politician, someone who screwed you over, the neighbor's dog, or the waiter who lied when he told you the chef's special chicken was all white meat, my methods ensure that all bad behavior is met with swift and decisive punishment (finally!). I can't tell you how much better you'll feel. Here's how it works:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuj643D7CI/AAAAAAAABGQ/NbaHOjlHnSk/s1600-h/vood+dick2.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 104px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuj643D7CI/AAAAAAAABGQ/NbaHOjlHnSk/s200/vood+dick2.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403092410052111394" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvujntPA7lI/AAAAAAAABGI/T1dBv3-Po7o/s1600-h/vood+joe+lieberman.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 111px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvujntPA7lI/AAAAAAAABGI/T1dBv3-Po7o/s200/vood+joe+lieberman.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403092080513838674" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuvXfbucfI/AAAAAAAABGY/PwsbBLaNLAo/s1600-h/vood+rush.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 116px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuvXfbucfI/AAAAAAAABGY/PwsbBLaNLAo/s200/vood+rush.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403104996070683122" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuje1Hbk9I/AAAAAAAABGA/KRbM4d07Yag/s1600-h/vood+blankstein+.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 106px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuje1Hbk9I/AAAAAAAABGA/KRbM4d07Yag/s200/vood+blankstein+.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403091928010691538" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvujHHyQjBI/AAAAAAAABF4/euRRd6SCSkg/s1600-h/voodoo+binladen.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 108px; height: 200px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvujHHyQjBI/AAAAAAAABF4/euRRd6SCSkg/s200/voodoo+binladen.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403091520705301522" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svui6rqvrgI/AAAAAAAABFw/7tjjwGmcfRM/s1600-h/vood+tim.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 104px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svui6rqvrgI/AAAAAAAABFw/7tjjwGmcfRM/s200/vood+tim.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403091306999164418" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuiu1SHrmI/AAAAAAAABFo/sHjbC9f3bRA/s1600-h/vood+citi.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 118px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuiu1SHrmI/AAAAAAAABFo/sHjbC9f3bRA/s200/vood+citi.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403091103421804130" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuv6SyJ0FI/AAAAAAAABGg/i1H2lwE2EUc/s1600-h/vood+boehner.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 112px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuv6SyJ0FI/AAAAAAAABGg/i1H2lwE2EUc/s200/vood+boehner.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403105593970511954" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuifpB3kZI/AAAAAAAABFg/B6JkMyoihw0/s1600-h/vood+waiter.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 108px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuifpB3kZI/AAAAAAAABFg/B6JkMyoihw0/s200/vood+waiter.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403090842434376082" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuiUKX7WhI/AAAAAAAABFY/VElabGOwJhc/s1600-h/vood+shedag.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 106px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuiUKX7WhI/AAAAAAAABFY/VElabGOwJhc/s200/vood+shedag.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403090645226838546" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuh83J0AZI/AAAAAAAABFQ/nWiUB22v8C4/s1600-h/vood+dog.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 107px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuh83J0AZI/AAAAAAAABFQ/nWiUB22v8C4/s200/vood+dog.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403090244930371986" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuwV8FAYXI/AAAAAAAABGo/jCOhiBxRAHM/s1600-h/voodoo+lewis.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 104px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuwV8FAYXI/AAAAAAAABGo/jCOhiBxRAHM/s200/voodoo+lewis.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403106068911907186" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuhyQPkI7I/AAAAAAAABFI/0xc6QwtIKRc/s1600-h/voodoo+mc+and+visa.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 120px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuhyQPkI7I/AAAAAAAABFI/0xc6QwtIKRc/s200/voodoo+mc+and+visa.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403090062686823346" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuhnCmxf2I/AAAAAAAABFA/V3ogJpv-W1g/s1600-h/voodoo+bachman.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 115px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuhnCmxf2I/AAAAAAAABFA/V3ogJpv-W1g/s200/voodoo+bachman.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403089870047510370" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuhYz-MsXI/AAAAAAAABE4/X_QN00HYYTg/s1600-h/vood+prejean.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 106px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuhYz-MsXI/AAAAAAAABE4/X_QN00HYYTg/s200/vood+prejean.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403089625601061234" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svug5cWRavI/AAAAAAAABEo/N44vq6otvU0/s1600-h/vood+murdoch.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 118px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svug5cWRavI/AAAAAAAABEo/N44vq6otvU0/s200/vood+murdoch.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403089086683638514" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvugqNMCcrI/AAAAAAAABEg/Tj0tG0ow3hY/s1600-h/vood+bernacke.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 108px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvugqNMCcrI/AAAAAAAABEg/Tj0tG0ow3hY/s200/vood+bernacke.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403088824916144818" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvugPZHXCaI/AAAAAAAABEY/i6qGpzjjPKE/s1600-h/vood+beck.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 109px; height: 200px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvugPZHXCaI/AAAAAAAABEY/i6qGpzjjPKE/s200/vood+beck.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403088364261280162" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvugEpIQzMI/AAAAAAAABEQ/YIdwtIa3dr8/s1600-h/vood+aetna.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 114px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvugEpIQzMI/AAAAAAAABEQ/YIdwtIa3dr8/s200/vood+aetna.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403088179581471938" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuf5ERUsGI/AAAAAAAABEI/4Wf-rSUoWAw/s1600-h/vood+W.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 112px; height: 200px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuf5ERUsGI/AAAAAAAABEI/4Wf-rSUoWAw/s200/vood+W.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403087980708802658" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvufoXYNjNI/AAAAAAAABEA/7x2qx5GQB8Q/s1600-h/vood+ballon+boy+dad.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 116px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvufoXYNjNI/AAAAAAAABEA/7x2qx5GQB8Q/s200/vood+ballon+boy+dad.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403087693780192466" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvufbPkmiNI/AAAAAAAABD4/ToxLLvvXqNY/s1600-h/vooypalin1.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 110px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvufbPkmiNI/AAAAAAAABD4/ToxLLvvXqNY/s200/vooypalin1.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403087468346378450" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvufF5zRnQI/AAAAAAAABDw/c0UtzK-za5E/s1600-h/voodoo+imadinnerjacket.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 122px; height: 200px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvufF5zRnQI/AAAAAAAABDw/c0UtzK-za5E/s200/voodoo+imadinnerjacket.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403087101725089026" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuenpvkC3I/AAAAAAAABDg/OECebDp1pgE/s1600-h/voodoo+natalie.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 110px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuenpvkC3I/AAAAAAAABDg/OECebDp1pgE/s200/voodoo+natalie.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403086582018476914" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuecAU9-9I/AAAAAAAABDY/b4U-nwXrnrA/s1600-h/vood+old+lady.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 108px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuecAU9-9I/AAAAAAAABDY/b4U-nwXrnrA/s200/vood+old+lady.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403086381922515922" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvueO7XPBFI/AAAAAAAABDQ/AQnYWwm5sSI/s1600-h/voodoo+kristol.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 120px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvueO7XPBFI/AAAAAAAABDQ/AQnYWwm5sSI/s200/voodoo+kristol.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403086157251544146" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvueFTHvYsI/AAAAAAAABDI/buCDT5kgsBE/s1600-h/vood-real+housewife.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 102px; height: 200px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvueFTHvYsI/AAAAAAAABDI/buCDT5kgsBE/s200/vood-real+housewife.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403085991830315714" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svud5PtZb-I/AAAAAAAABDA/qUVdVSk180w/s1600-h/voodoo+micky.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 118px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svud5PtZb-I/AAAAAAAABDA/qUVdVSk180w/s200/voodoo+micky.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403085784756088802" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuhK0lv_II/AAAAAAAABEw/Q8XNigtyiqA/s1600-h/voodoo+ty.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 116px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvuhK0lv_II/AAAAAAAABEw/Q8XNigtyiqA/s200/voodoo+ty.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403089385248783490" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvudvRHcAYI/AAAAAAAABC4/BMDO47LL_Jg/s1600-h/vood+bibi.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 106px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvudvRHcAYI/AAAAAAAABC4/BMDO47LL_Jg/s200/vood+bibi.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403085613335052674" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvudYFj7E9I/AAAAAAAABCo/t8skBnOxKIo/s1600-h/voodoo+vikram.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 114px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvudYFj7E9I/AAAAAAAABCo/t8skBnOxKIo/s200/voodoo+vikram.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403085215096312786" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvudCBIXXoI/AAAAAAAABCg/ZFMSRwwKFSU/s1600-h/voodoo+kanye.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 118px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvudCBIXXoI/AAAAAAAABCg/ZFMSRwwKFSU/s200/voodoo+kanye.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403084835949862530" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvucfgYDaDI/AAAAAAAABCY/mVh96Pu_p_g/s1600-h/vood+edwards.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 105px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvucfgYDaDI/AAAAAAAABCY/mVh96Pu_p_g/s200/vood+edwards.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403084243041740850" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuw5yH-SVI/AAAAAAAABGw/R9Y9MUQvzD8/s1600-h/vood+summers.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 108px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svuw5yH-SVI/AAAAAAAABGw/R9Y9MUQvzD8/s200/vood+summers.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403106684715288914" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svub50DpmqI/AAAAAAAABCI/l-lxPjOjLSI/s1600-h/vood+dr.+phil.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 102px; height: 200px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/Svub50DpmqI/AAAAAAAABCI/l-lxPjOjLSI/s200/vood+dr.+phil.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403083595489843874" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvubwUsYOYI/AAAAAAAABCA/DMYAD4-om5I/s1600-h/voodoo+dennis.JPEG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 114px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SvubwUsYOYI/AAAAAAAABCA/DMYAD4-om5I/s200/voodoo+dennis.JPEG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403083432451914114" /></a>Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-16154818338075506972009-10-30T11:28:00.000-07:002009-10-30T11:36:44.851-07:00Rediscover the childlike joy of Halloween (get free stuff)Last year at this time you were probably at the seamstress putting the final touches on your Marie Antoinette/Sarah Palin/Henry VIII/Joe the Plumber costume. Unless you're a Wall Street or Insurance executive or one of their lobbyists, you may be feeling some trepidation as to how to deal with the holiday this year. <br /><br />Halloween traditionally marks the end of the harvest season when people begin storing necessities for the long, lean months ahead. Which is exactly the way you should be looking at it now. Lucky for you, opportunity is everywhere.<br /><strong><br />Tricks, yaaaay!</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-tphouse.jpg"><img alt="2009-10-24-tphouse.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-tphouse-thumb.jpg" width="235" height="156" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-tp.JPEG"><img alt="2009-10-24-tp.JPEG" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-tp-thumb.JPEG" width="146" height="156" /></a><br />Stop worrying about how you're going to afford candy for the trick-or-treaters. Those Halloween tricksters you fear can be a godsend. Think about it; a good house TPing requires at least one roll of toilet paper. Once you get it back on the roll it'll come in handy and save you money. Play your cards right and you won't need to buy another roll of toilet paper until 2010. Who knows, you might even get hit with quilted toilet paper in decorator colors if you live in an upscale neighborhood. <br /><br />Even better, your tricksters could be armed with eggs, which would be a delicious change of pace from your usual breakfast of nothing. Save yourself some extra work and stop the culprits before they strike (unless you like your eggs scrambled). <br /><strong><br />Seize the day (and anything else you can get)</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-skimask.jpg"><img alt="2009-10-24-skimask.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-skimask-thumb.jpg" width="103" height="160" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-hank2x.jpg"><img alt="2009-10-24-hank2x.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-hank2x-thumb.jpg" width="104" height="160" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-robbermain.jpg"><img alt="2009-10-24-robbermain.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-robbermain-thumb.jpg" width="146" height="160" /></a> <br />This is the one time of year where you can don a scary robber mask and freely enter a Brinks armored truck, local merchant or lavish mansion and nobody will think anything of it, even if you're carrying a large bag. Be forceful when demanding your treats. Warning: Don't try this in a bank. My local branch brutally informed me that they arrest anyone who enters wearing a mask (even a Hank Paulson mask!). Typically, they make no exceptions, even during this festive time of year. <br /><br /><strong>Getting treats in goods and unmarked bills</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-pumpkinwithessentials.JPEG"><img alt="2009-10-24-pumpkinwithessentials.JPEG" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-pumpkinwithessentials-thumb.JPEG" width="135" height="170" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-orelse.jpg"><img alt="2009-10-24-orelse.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-orelse-thumb.jpg" width="207" height="170" /></a><br />These days, parents are afraid of sending their children to strangers' homes. Many communities have made arrangements with local merchants so the kids can trick or treat at stores safely. Take advantage of this opportunity. Tell your child to ask for staples like a jar of peanut butter, tampons, flour, shampoo, etc. Better yet, have them ask for the contents of the cash register. How could anyone refuse your adorable little angel? This is also an excellent opportunity to teach your child manners: remind them to always say "please" and "thank you."<br /><br /><strong>Free candy</strong><br />Even if you're over 4 feet tall, and not wearing a costume, opportunities for free candy are everywhere. At the bank, the stores, the hair salon, the library, in lobbies. Grab it while it's there or you'll regret it later, I guarantee it. If you have children, give them laundry bags or trash bags and don't let them come home until the bags are full. Since you may be depending on your Halloween treats for nourishment, it's important to optimize your Halloween harvest's nutritional value by consulting my <a href="http://povertyguide.blogspot.com/2009/10/halloween-candy-food-pyramid.html">Halloween candy food pyramid.</a><br /><br /><strong>Treats with financial value</strong><br /><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-pixiestixcocaine.JPEG"><img alt="2009-10-24-pixiestixcocaine.JPEG" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-pixiestixcocaine-thumb.JPEG" width="230" height="170" /></a> <a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-candy2.JPEG"><img alt="2009-10-24-candy2.JPEG" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-candy2-thumb.JPEG" width="235" height="170" /></a> <br />Just because a candy has no nutritional value, doesn't mean it's worthless. On the contrary, Skittles, Red Hots, Hot Tamales, Sweet Tarts, Mike and Ikes, m&ms and Pixie Stix are known moneymakers. With a little clever marketing, you can resell them at a huge profit as drugs to stupid rich people. For example, sell the Pixie Stix as pre-chopped cocaine in designer colors that come with their own straw. The beauty of this approach is you get all the income of a drug dealer or pharmaceutical executive, without the guilt of actually selling drugs (although the high fructose corn syrup may be more dangerous than drugs). Do not try this on hardened drug addicts. They might hurt you.<br /><strong><br />The morning after</strong><br />Pumpkins are both delicious and nutritious and using them for merely decorative purposes is a crime. You'll be performing a valuable service by picking up all the spent pumpkins in your neighborhood and disposing of them ... in your mouth. Here are <a href="http://wjww.pumpkinnook.com/cookbook.htm#recipe">some recipes</a>, including how to stuff a pumpkin for Thanksgiving.<br /><br />Now go out there and have a happy, bountiful Halloween!Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-14302725933460245262009-10-25T23:10:00.000-07:002009-10-26T00:58:55.476-07:00Halloween candy food pyramidTake advantage of the multitude of Halloween offerings now that you might be depending on them for nourishment. Nutritionally speaking, some Halloween candy is worth more than others. Consult the Halloween candy pyramid below to make healthier choices this Halloween. <br /> <br /><center><a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-hallofinalpyramid.jpg"><img alt="2009-10-24-hallofinalpyramid.jpg" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-10-24-hallofinalpyramid-thumb.jpg" width="369" height="475" /></a> </center><br />Always go for the candy with the greatest number of food groups in it. For example, a Chunky bar is preferable to a Hershey bar with almonds, because it contains three food groups, dairy (milk chocolate), protein (nuts), fruit (raisins) while the Hershey bar only has two (dairy and protein). Mix a Chunky bar with a Nestle Crunch bar (containing rice) and you've got a complete, well-balanced meal. Anything with coconut is also a good bet since it qualifies as both a fruit AND a nut.Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-8121395139961737382009-10-22T12:25:00.000-07:002009-10-22T12:27:27.539-07:00Financial doldrums got you down? Look on the bright side<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SuCyCBNqd_I/AAAAAAAAA_c/0dM9J-njrEU/s1600-h/sun:cloud.jpeg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SuCyCBNqd_I/AAAAAAAAA_c/0dM9J-njrEU/s320/sun:cloud.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5395508101345081330" /></a><br />I know it's hard to believe this right now, but for everything dear to you that you've lost or cut back on during these times of economic strife, there IS a silver lining. <br /><br />I'm listing some of the painful losses I've endured and the good that came from them. I hope it helps you get through your own personal financial struggles and gives you the tools necessary to make the most of your suffering. <br /><br /><strong>Pre-stirred yogurt</strong> <br />This was one of the first costly luxuries I gave up when I realized the gravity of my financial situation. Yes, it's exhausting having to actually stir the yogurt flavoring in with the yogurt, but after several months, I noticed my arms and pecs strengthening. It's a great way to combine breakfast and exercise. Turns out I never really needed that gym membership and personal trainer in the first place.<br /><br /><strong>Job </strong> <br />You may have lost your vocation and income, but look at all the extra time you've got on your hands. This is your opportunity to fulfill your lifelong dream. As long as that dream doesn't involve making money. You'll also make lots of new friends on the unemployment line.<br /><br /><strong>Credit cards</strong> <br />You'll get used to not being able to buy whatever you want on a whim, I promise. Once you emerge from the fog of your shopping frenzy you'll realize that maybe you really don't "have to have" that core biopsy, or blood pressure medicine after all. <br /> <br /><strong>The cleaning lady</strong><br />Letting my cleaning lady go was the hardest thing I had to do. But now that it's done, it's a relief not having to wake up early every Wednesday morning to clean up before she gets here. But the real up side is when I told my cleaning lady I could no longer afford her, she offered me a job doing her laundry (she doesn't do laundry). Sometimes she even gives me her hand me downs.<br /><br /><strong>Health care</strong> <br />I've got to tell that you the years of not having health care have been the most blissful of my adult life. Granted, there will still be nights you'll awaken in a cold sweat because you haven't had a mammogram in six years and you're sure it's probably already too late. On the other hand, NOT having health care can make what little time you have left much less unpleasant. You'll save thousands of dollars a year in unnecessary tests, not to mention the time saved in waiting rooms and emergency rooms dealing with the botched procedure. And face it, the stress of waiting for test results and and pleading with your insurance company to make good on their promise to cover you can take years off your life (it can also take years). Yes, you'll miss your anti-depressants, but it's quite probable that the health care system is what made you need them in the first place. <br /><br /><strong>Electricity.</strong> <br />Sure it's annoying not being able to see after sundown. But there are definite pluses. My night vision has improved, which will come in handy when revolutionaries take down the power grid and looting ensues.<br /><br /><strong>Food </strong> <br />Food is a wonderful thing, and I really miss it. On the other hand, the last time I've been this svelte was after a really bad case of dysentery. I can't tell you how many people have commented on how great I look. It's amazing how the garbage bag that looked so hideous on me when I was a size 10, looks like Dolce and Gabbana now that I'm down to a size 4. <br /><br /><strong>Vision (glasses)</strong><br />When I realized my vision was getting worse and I couldn't afford glasses, I was a little depressed. But now that I've had time to adjust, I'm enjoying seeing the world (and myself) in soft focus. My wrinkles are gone, my skin is flawless -- I've never looked this good! Another plus, seeing everything blurred, gives me the feeling of being drunk or stoned without spending a cent on intoxicants. I still get a cheap thrill when a cop pulls me over for DWUI, only to discover I'm totally sober! And ever since my eyes started going bad, the cops that pull me over have been much cuter too. <br /><br /><strong>Phone service</strong> <br />Do you realize how much stress and heartache your phone has brought you? Good riddance, I say. You may worry that you'll miss calls offering you jobs or other lucrative opportunities that might dig you out of this financial pit you're in, but in truth, 9 out of 10 calls are from phone banks in Asia demanding payment or else. Without phone service, you may not even miss not having your anti-anxiety medication.<br /><br /><strong>Teeth</strong> <br />See food.<br /><br /><strong>Your home</strong><br />Once you let go of your house, the burden of monthly payments and maintenance will be lifted. You also get to spend more time outdoors.<br /><br /><strong>Hope</strong> <br />I was one of those people who clung to the hope that my vote counts, that my elected representative will represent me, that a politician will keep his or her campaign promises (or any promise), that hard work and dedication are rewarded, that he will call tomorrow, that the check is in the mail, that the AT&T repair guy will get here between 9am and noon as promised.... You can imagine the constant disappointment. <br /><br />Now that I've given up hope I'm much less agitated, bitter and disillusioned (which we all know, can age you). Time that I would have spent having my heart broken, plotting revenge, and sticking pins into voodoo dolls I now use on my arts and crafts projects. By the way, would anyone like to buy a macrame belt?Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-54866882441310118302009-10-02T23:45:00.000-07:002009-10-02T23:59:17.750-07:00Housing crisis extends beyond our species<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SsbzddrRIkI/AAAAAAAAA_U/3EwmFBtExsA/s1600-h/bslug.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SsbzddrRIkI/AAAAAAAAA_U/3EwmFBtExsA/s320/bslug.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5388261691703239234" /></a><br /><br />While foraging for escargot in the park, I made a startling observation. I used to see lots of snails. Now, all I see are slugs. I can't be the only one who has noticed this. Everyone knows that a snail is just a slug with a house. <br /><br />The obvious conclusion is that slugs are suffering an unprecedented housing crisis too.<br /><br />Granted, this is California, where the economic slump has hit very hard. Maybe it's not surprising that even garden creatures are suffering here, but I've got to think this is probably happening all over the nation.Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-79393130528560136952009-09-18T11:03:00.000-07:002009-09-18T20:16:07.835-07:00Preparing for economic apocalypse<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SrRMdwiFtdI/AAAAAAAAA_M/p_VBxxQYe_A/s1600-h/apocalypse.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 228px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SrRMdwiFtdI/AAAAAAAAA_M/p_VBxxQYe_A/s320/apocalypse.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5383011528742385106" /></a>I’ve been reading the news. And despite what Bernake says, I don’t think we’re on the cusp of recovery. Granted, I don’t have his fancy PHD (or whatever he has) or his vast experience wrecking the economy. But my indicators say that if unemployment continues, we don’t produce anything and the financial system can only survive by ripping off the middle and lower classes who are tapped out, then something’s got to give. <br /><br /> Just like many people prepare for Armageddon or nuclear winter, it’s equally important to be ready, just in case the unspeakable happens… You know what I’m talking about.<br /><br />Here are some translations for some phrases you’ll need to know: <br /><br />You want fries with that? : 您希望与该薯条?<br /><br />Take my house and my car, but please don’t take my internet access!: 请不要把我的房子!<br /><br />I hope you accept payment in pennies: 我希望你接受硬币付款。<br /><br />I would gladly repay you Tuesday for a pork bun today: 我会很高兴地报答你的猪肉包今天星期二Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-64656168509932016962009-09-02T11:07:00.001-07:002009-09-12T00:27:11.479-07:00Rich Corporate Executives Have Problems Too, You Know<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtKHOago-I/AAAAAAAAA9s/A1tVcjud4qQ/s1600-h/091021+eat+the+rich+T+Final.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 123px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtKHOago-I/AAAAAAAAA9s/A1tVcjud4qQ/s200/091021+eat+the+rich+T+Final.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380475667813016546" /></a><br />During these difficult financial times, most of us have been focused on things like paying the bills, keeping a roof over our heads and feeding the children. <br /><br />Being an empathetic person, I thought it only fair to devote a little attention to the 1% of the population who helped create this situation, yet are still employed and living like pashas. Let's not forget that this is a time of fear and uncertainty for them too. <br /><br />Sure, their concerns are different than yours or mine. But I'm sure to them, the worry that their excessive wealth and lavish lifestyles will inspire envy, larceny and angry hordes is just as excruciating as the worry of becoming homeless is to the rest of us. <br /><br />So, Hank, Larry, Lloyd, Bob, Ben, Ken, Vikram, and the rest of you guys, here's my advice to you on how to get through the recession. <br /><br />I know this is going to be difficult to hear, but you're going to have to pretend to make some major sacrifices. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trains, Yachts and Automobiles</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtKmAqPVII/AAAAAAAAA98/ujFyfgcJkC8/s1600-h/TRC2362.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 123px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtKmAqPVII/AAAAAAAAA98/ujFyfgcJkC8/s200/TRC2362.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380476196696839298" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtKeyFzJGI/AAAAAAAAA90/YULX2XXlCNU/s1600-h/0929647.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 136px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtKeyFzJGI/AAAAAAAAA90/YULX2XXlCNU/s200/0929647.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380476072526816354" /></a><br />Nothing enrages the people whose money bailed you out more than to see you in a shiny new corporate jet. Especially when they're trading down to shopping carts. Instead of giving up your luxurious jet or putting it in storage, antique it. You'd be amazed how a few dings on the nose, some dice hanging from the rear view mirror and some old "Free Huey" bumper stickers can take your jet from "rich corporate bad guy" to "just another jet from the hood." <br /><br />Consider hiring someone to paint some camouflage on your jet, yacht, limo or hummer so it doesn't attract the wrong kind of attention. With a pentagon quality paint job, you might even be mistaken for a military vehicle and garner love and respect rather than simmering resentment. Another plus, you'll actually stimulate the economy by hiring a painter. Make sure you hire American for a change. It's a wonderful opportunity to appear to contribute something meaningful to America's no longer working class. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Better homes and gardens</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtJLj0jslI/AAAAAAAAA9k/TZ3b5tt6hUw/s1600-h/images-2.jpeg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 103px; height: 137px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtJLj0jslI/AAAAAAAAA9k/TZ3b5tt6hUw/s320/images-2.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380474642767262290" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtLPcZ46RI/AAAAAAAAA-M/YVmXjBhwMPg/s1600-h/foreclosure-sign.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 176px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtLPcZ46RI/AAAAAAAAA-M/YVmXjBhwMPg/s200/foreclosure-sign.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380476908519090450" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtLG17mKmI/AAAAAAAAA-E/Mf5HXYsl0HA/s1600-h/deadcar_Full.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 152px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtLG17mKmI/AAAAAAAAA-E/Mf5HXYsl0HA/s200/deadcar_Full.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380476760752532066" /></a><br />A few well-placed props can make a 85 million dollar estate a place you can feel safe showing to the impoverished masses (from the other side of the gates, of course). Park a rusty, dilapidated pick-up truck on the front lawn and let the garden go. A burning trash can or tires are always a nice touch. The neighbors might object, but it'll keep the robbers and lynch mobs away. Or just put a foreclosure sign out front (FYI, I have one you can buy for $19,843.02 or $536.12 a month at 33% compounded daily for the rest of your life).<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Perfecting the "waif" look</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtMEOGc5nI/AAAAAAAAA-k/qdqWarCWWl4/s1600-h/mary-kate-olsen-b.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 121px; height: 200px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtMEOGc5nI/AAAAAAAAA-k/qdqWarCWWl4/s200/mary-kate-olsen-b.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380477815212533362" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtL5hpKgxI/AAAAAAAAA-c/nvHlzG64sPw/s1600-h/goodwill_logo_5121.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 155px; height: 200px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtL5hpKgxI/AAAAAAAAA-c/nvHlzG64sPw/s200/goodwill_logo_5121.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380477631479841554" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtLqEkQ_lI/AAAAAAAAA-U/ylzPC7HMMZA/s1600-h/3210727586_2970bff8d1_o.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtLqEkQ_lI/AAAAAAAAA-U/ylzPC7HMMZA/s200/3210727586_2970bff8d1_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380477365976628818" /></a><br />Fortunately, your trophy wife can still spend a fortune keeping up with the latest designer trends and look like she dug her wardrobe out of the dumpster. Several designers are coming out with "recession chic" lines for the winter (check the latest WWD or Vogue in the plastic surgeons waiting room). Stay away from anything with a prominent designer logo (I know it kind of defeats the purpose of buying a designer label, but be strong). For those ubiquitous Ralph Lauren and Izod logos, have your seamstress whip up some St. Vincent de Paul or Salvation Army labels for a cover up.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Finding inner beauty</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtMVRSVEvI/AAAAAAAAA-s/oYON7SAQ8cQ/s1600-h/2009-09-10-implant_menu.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 70px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SqtMVRSVEvI/AAAAAAAAA-s/oYON7SAQ8cQ/s320/2009-09-10-implant_menu.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380478108125434610" /></a><br />Speaking of plastic surgeons, now's a good time to get those implants (chin, butt, boob, pec, whatever) you and your family members have had your eyes on. In a time where the chasm between the haves and have nots has never been wider, putting all your money in your body instead of on it is the healthiest thing you can do. Another plus; If a revolution should occur and your fortune is pillaged, you'll still be able to hold on to hundreds of thousands of dollars of your assets -- nobody has figured out how to repossess a pound of flesh (or silicone gel). Yet.Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7270475523994866091.post-89556200791431172852009-08-23T09:54:00.000-07:002009-08-24T12:00:43.034-07:00Going from broke to spiritually enlightened in a few easy stepsIt's a a shame that in our culture, being broke and unemployed with no future is often equated with being a loser. <br /><br />People who used to identify success and happiness with material possessions and the ability to acquire them at whim, are understandably having problems dealing with prevailing economic setbacks. <br /><br />Upon having their credit declined at the apple store when attempting to buy the newest iPhone, some have spiraled into depressions so deep, only a lexapro/klonopin cocktail can help them. Sadly, these people are usually the ones who gave up their health insurance a few months ago to buy the last lastest iPhone. As a result, a large portion of the population could descend into a black hole of despair that's not only fiscal, but mental. <br /><br />Fortunately, all it takes is a slight shift in attitude and behaviors to turn the stigma of being broke, into an attribute to be admired.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The Gandhi manuever</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SpF-P90s_uI/AAAAAAAAA6U/qg60RqH4ll4/s1600-h/gandhi.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 257px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SpF-P90s_uI/AAAAAAAAA6U/qg60RqH4ll4/s320/gandhi.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373214643188465378" /></a><br />Say you used to dress in the latest from the haute designers and now everything you own is so hopelessly two months ago you've gone into hiding. Find an old sheet and wear it Gandhi style. Tell anyone who will listen that it suddenly occurred to you that all those ridiculously expensive designer clothes ultimately brought you no happiness and were merely expensive cover ups for a gaping hole in your spirit. If you see someone wearing the Christian Leboutin shoes that you would have coveted before you found your soul, mention that for the same price, the proud owner could feed a starving Somalian family for a year. See how quickly you can re-spin your poverty into moral superiority. And it's not like a vow of poverty is irrevocable. If you ever get your financial bearings back, you can start shopping for the hottest designer sheets and matching accessories.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Volunteering</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SpGR8nw6c_I/AAAAAAAAA6c/b_BAmrDQo80/s1600-h/soup+kitchen+11.2.02+pic03.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 226px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SpGR8nw6c_I/AAAAAAAAA6c/b_BAmrDQo80/s320/soup+kitchen+11.2.02+pic03.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373236301082031090" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Now that you have nothing better to do, volunteering for a worthy non-profit organization is a great way to network, add to your resume and appear to give a damn about people less fortunate than yourself (link to list of worthy non-profits). Tell everyone that you're tired of working for the big corporate machine, chasing the dollar to feed your shallow addictions and you want to pursue an area where you can really make a positive impact on the world. Choose an organization that you either feel passionately about, or one that confers status on you. If you're opposed to manual labor, find a volunteer project that utilizes your preferred skill set and requires lots of dinner meetings. If you miraculously find gainful employment while you're in the middle of a project, you can always bail at the last minute. They'll understand that your new job will keep you incredibly busy shopping for new work clothes. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Environmental activism</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SpF1BYpvtlI/AAAAAAAAA6E/QRYGb7w5V1I/s1600-h/treepeople2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 211px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ieyF2gYCe3E/SpF1BYpvtlI/AAAAAAAAA6E/QRYGb7w5V1I/s320/treepeople2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373204497087575634" /></a><br />Repeat after me: "I'm not living in a tree because I got evicted due to non-payment of rent/forclosed on. I'm living in a tree to make an environmental statement because I'm socially and environmentally aware and I have the balls to DO something about it." <br /> <br />The pros of tree sitting: Free rent. No utility bills. Well-meaning environmentalists will bring you food (free food.)<br /><br />The cons of tree sitting: Free food is usually vegan. In other to maintain your integrity of an activist, you've got to stay up there. It can get pretty boring. But during daylight hours you'll have plenty of time to do some research and learn why sitting in a tree contributes to the environment.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Getting started</span><br />Nothing is easier than spinning your newly acquired poverty into socially conscious altruism once you get the hang of it. Here are a few things you need to tell yourself in order to begin the transformation. <br /><br />Your electricity is off because you're tired of being held hostage to the energy companies.<br /><br />You've started taking public transportation to reduce your carbon footprint and to experience life amongst the masses.<br /><br />You're boycotting Wall Street by not using your credit cards (no need to mention they've all been cancelled)<br /><br />You've eschewed personal grooming in order to shed the superficialities that society has imposed on you and focus on developing your inner beauty. Or just complain how all the grooming products are animal cruel, environmentally bad or owned by an evil corporation.Dr. Lesleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03587087616304632503noreply@blogger.com0